Ask Jenny: Friendship & Children

Something I’ve always been able to pride myself on is that I’m good at giving advice to people. I’m good with words and articulating the correct thing to say to someone in a certain situation. I’m not talking grammar wise, yes, my grammar still sucks but when I can make someone feel better about a problem they are worried about or be a listening ear and offer some sound advice, I personally find that much more valuable. I thought of starting an advice series on my blog whereas anyone could ask me anything and I would try and offer some advice to them, the best I could. Kinda like those “Ask Debbie” columns in Women’s magazines. But better. Hopefully.

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I won’t publish names of people who ask these questions, whether I know who it is personally or not and I am happy to try and answer a variety of topics from blogging, business, friendship or relationships. Obviously I will have more experience in some areas than others and some topics I won’t be able to help with at all because I’m just not qualified to give that sort of advice. And that’s okay. But I’ll do the best I can and be a friend to someone that needs advice and that’s fine with me.

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Question: How do you manage friendships when you have no kids and your friends have just had babies? Two of my besties have just had children so should I suggest meeting up? What are the rules? 

First of all, you’re my first ever question so congrats! And second of all, this is a great question. One that I’d also love to hear other people’s opinions on because I’m at the age where this is starting to become a “thing”, too.

There are no rules in friendship and every friendship is different but the biggest thing I would mention here is that you have to remember that your friends are going to be exceptionally busy now they’ve just had children. And it may be down to you for a while to initiate seeing each other. But that’s okay.

I’ve been in this situation in the past where my one of my old best friends had a baby and suddenly, it was so difficult to find time to spend with her. I’m not saying single girls or women without children aren’t just as busy, we are. But children are a whole different ball game which I couldn’t even comprehend right now. And if you’re the one without the child, you have to realise that your friend now has a whole new lot of responsibilities and priorities.

I would definitely suggest meeting up but ensure it’s well in advance and at a time and place that’s convenient for a mother with a new baby. For example, a girlie cinema date with a new born probably isn’t the best idea! Your friend will appreciate you thinking about them this way and then once you are together, it’ll be much more relaxing and less stressful for both parties if you’re in a safe and comfortable environment for a very small baby and probably a new, slightly stressed and under-slept mother.

Friendship is a two way street and if you both value your friendship then there’s no reason why it can’t continue as normal post baby. You’ll just have an extra person to give loads of cuddles to!

Do you have any extra advice for this question? Have you been on either side of this situation before? If so, and you’d like to share your own experiences and advice, do leave a comment! 

Need some advice and want your question featured in my ‘Ask Jenny’ series? Drop me an email at: jenny.in.neverland@hotmail.co.uk! No names will be published in the blog post. Happy to accept questions from a variety of topics such as: blogging, business, friendship, relationships, mental health and more.

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25 thoughts on “Ask Jenny: Friendship & Children

  1. I will add to this as someone older without children. Some people who have Children drift off into their mummy groups, they only want to be surrounded by other parents despite all your efforts to maintain a friendship and this is where you accept that is ok, and it’s natural.

    What Jenny has suggested is perfect, I have a few mummy friends who I meet up with for coffee, or to go for a walk etc, they enjoy talking about something other than being a mummy for an hour or two.

    I’ve also made new friends in the ten years or so since my old friends started having children, people like me who don’t want Children so their lifestyle better fits mine, we have more in common. And so the dynamics of the relationship are far more equal.

    Good luck this situation is always difficult!

  2. I think you’ve covered everything I would have in your answer! I don’t yet have kids yet plenty of my friends do, and it’s hard to find that balance when both of your priorities are so different.

    I also think this series is a really great idea 🙂

    Tore | http://www.atinymew.com xo

  3. Great post, Jenny! I think you’ve answered this really sensitively! I think that your advice is spot on, there’s no need for friendships to end just because of new circumstances, they will just adapt and thrive! There’s nothing wrong with having a coffee with your friend at the park where the youngster can play with their friends when they’re a little older, for example! True friendship always endures!

    Abbey 😘 http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

    • Thanks so much lovely Abbey! I’m so glad you like the idea and that my answer came across like that. You’re absolutely right and unfortunately for me, the friendship I had with my OLDEST friend has ended – since she’s had her child. I don’t know whether it’s because of that or a mix of circumstances but life goes on! xx

  4. Love this concept!!! Your advice is really good too. You can tell you genuinely put thought into it and don’t just reel off a generic answer. Really good post. I’ll be looking out for more of your advice posts xfjx

  5. I love the idea of this post – being at uni a lot of my friends have got jobs and had kids and I feel like this. It’s hard to relate to them because I don’t have to get childcare etc and it definetely is a top way street. We normally go for coffees or small trips where my friend is able to bring her baby along x

    • That’s nice that you still see your friends with babies! It is difficult but you’re so right, it is a two way street for sure and both parties need to make the friendship happen! xx

    • Yeah I thought that was an excellent point from Claire and although the people without the babies often find it hard you have to remember that the ones WITH the babies have a whole new life now that those without just don’t understand so it’s only natural to want to gravitate towards people who understand ☺️ Hope all goes well with your cousin and you still find time to spend with each other xx

  6. This is such a good idea! I absolutely loved reading agony aunt sections in magazines when I was younger, and can’t wait to see what questions you answer in future! Will it be a monthly thing? And will there be more than one question?

    • I loved reading those as well! I was also envious of the person answering the questions haha! I’m aiming to keep it to one question per post but hopefully more frequently than monthly! ☺️ xx

    • Thanks so much, I’m so glad you think so! This is an idea I’ve been toying with for ages but didn’t know if it would work or if anyone would be interested. But I’m working on my second post now ☺️ xx

  7. Awww I love this idea! Most of my friends have children now so it is all about finding a time convenient for them, not being disappointed if they have to cancel last minute, not being frustrated if conversations keep getting interrupted by the needs of their little one(s) and sometimes you just have to help out … After all, bonding with your friend’s baby makes it easier when it comes to meeting up in the future (plus, babies can be pretty cute when not chucking up on you).

  8. Pingback: Ask Jenny: Gaining Book Reviews | Jenny in Neverland

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