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Dear friend…

Dear friend,

I’m not writing this for your benefit. I doubt you’ll ever see it. I’m writing it because I feel I need to for my own sake. I feel like I need to, to finally get all my thoughts out and in a way, find closure. Because that’s all that’s left now, isn’t it? There’s no salvaging this one anymore.

And the sad thing is, there’s no real reason why. You didn’t kiss my boyfriend behind my back or make fun of me or any typical “thing” that may cause a friendship to split up. You didn’t do anything. But I think that’s the problem. You did nothing at all. If you do read this, you’ll probably know who you are but I don’t want an explanation.

You were my oldest friend and one of the only friends I still had left after I was diagnosed with anxiety, disappeared off the planet and was barely seen again. Everyone else gave up on me, called me a bad friend and didn’t bother inviting me places anymore because chances are, I was going to say no because my anxiety stopped me doing so much stuff. That really fucking hurt. But you were still there and we still saw each other. Not often but it was enough.

We got older – naturally – and life got in the way a bit. As it does for everyone. New boyfriends, new lifestyles, babies, jobs – you name it. But we still managed occasionally. Until one day, we didn’t. I still remember the last time I saw you – I was going through a really, really shit time and my mental health was in tatters. You told me you’re always about if I needed to chat and that’s probably the biggest lie anyone has ever told me.

After that, I tried to get in touch with you; text, WhatsApp, Facebook you name it. I messaged you over 6 times in the space of a year and you ignored me. You sent me a letter apologising and that you hoped we could meet up again and I was thrilled – if not a bit confused. Then guess what? The same thing happened again. I was ignored. You don’t even bother saying happy birthday to me any more.

I have no doubt that you’ve probably been through tough times too. They always put a strain on friendships and I get that and I know that sometimes you have to pick your priorities. But we could have been there for each other and whatever I was going through and whatever you were going through, we could have both had a friend for a bit of support. But for some reason, you didn’t want that. I had done nothing wrong. I know that for a fact. If I’ve done something wrong to someone, it plays on my mind so I would know if I had upset you in some way.

But I hadn’t. I’ve never done anything wrong which is what hurts the most. I would have loved to have been there for you with whatever shit you were going through. And I would have loved to still have a friend –  one of the very, very few I have now. I know friendships naturally split sometimes and that’s fine but I didn’t deserve to be completely and utterly ignored for a year and a half. Only then to be ignored again. It’s not fair.

I wish you well with everything; whatever it is you’re doing now. I hope you’re doing okay and that your lovely little family is fine. I really do. I’m sorry you felt the need to cut me out of your life so suddenly, so maliciously and so certainly. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever done anything to upset you – even thought I know I haven’t. I know you probably don’t think about me at all any more – I’ll just be that invisible space where a friend used to be. But I think about you sometimes and it makes me sad. And it makes me sadder that one of the longest and most solid friendships I had is unceremoniously over.

Jenny

Jenny in Neverland

Twenty-something lifestyle blogger from Essex. Book lover, Slytherin, organisational wizard and enjoys Motorsport, Disney and Yoga.

69 Comments

  1. I’ve had similar situations with people. It’s hard, but life is better without them xx

    1. Life is better when you learn to let go of them xx

  2. Lovely honest post. I think we have all been there in one way or another and your post just shows how understanding a person you seem. Stay positive xxx

    1. Thank you (: xx

  3. Life throws a test whenever we go looking for real friends. However, most of the times that real friends are not to be looked for, rather, they are the ones who we stumble upon just by chance. As a matter of fact these chances are what make life so beautiful and all the memories with friends all the more special. Please check out this post about the surprises that life’s unpredictability throws at us as a testament to its beauty: https://columntribe.wordpress.com/2017/10/23/a-break-from-everyday/

  4. Keep smiling and staying positive. Your story is very similar to mine.

  5. I’ve had a similar experience and I think it’s like you said you never know what’s been going on for them. It might have been the best thing for them to take themselves away from their normal life for whatever reason. Maybe one day you will reconnect.

    Jen xxx

    1. They definitely didn’t take themselves away from their normal life as she has a young kid so she couldn’t afford to do that xx

  6. I’ve had an experience like this and it’s the worst thing, not knowing/not understanding why they did it. I love this post though, its so honest & raw xx

    Jamie | http://www.jamies-corner.com

    1. Thank you, it’s a rubbish situation x

  7. Kayleigh Zara says:

    Jenny this is so sad! I really can’t belueve that they contacted you and then they ignored that horrible and to do it more than once x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

    1. Yep, I know. I don’t understand some people.

  8. this is so sad to read, im so sorry this happened to you! sometimes when there is no real reason its worse!

    1. It’s definitely worse when there’s no reason nor explanation

  9. Emma Langlands says:

    I am so sorry that you are going through this, however, you are not the only going through this. If that helps aha I went through the same thing, a friend just not messaging me and spending all her time with her boyfriend and then eventually we just never spoke and that was that.
    My first thought was I was sad but then I realised I am better off without her, no more stress worry why she didnt reply or self-believe when she went out with her other friends.
    It was the best thing ever that ever happens, you will be a better person and you will make new friends if you need to chat I am here. xox

    1. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar. It definitely sucks xxx

  10. I am going through this very thing with two friends at the exact same time. One of them I’ve know for almost 14 years. The other just a year. And like you said I know I didn’t do anything wrong because I over analyze EVERYTHING. So I kinda understand what you’re going through, and if you EVER need to talk to someone let me know! 💖

  11. Oh, Jenny, this is such a brave and honest post.
    I can’t really begin to understand what you’re going through, but I’m afraid that I have a friend that has been keeping me at a distance. The last I heard from her was in March when she had left college and had to leave her job because of her health.

    A Sparkle Of Grace

    1. That’s a shame, I’m sorry to hear that. I think this “friend” was going through health things too but IMO thats no excuse to cut someone out. We all have our problems.

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