Ever since I was in school, I was adamant that I would never get married. A friend and I were always the ones who would get up on our high horses and be like, “nope, hella no, no way, we independent women”. Of course I’m now more aware of the fact that you can still be an independent woman and be married but heck, that was my naive 15 year-old self talking. But has my mind changed that much? I’m not too sure.
Of course at the end of the day, everyone’s thoughts on marriage are totally personal and there’s no right or wrong answer (well, within reason). Marriage doesn’t automatically make one relationship any stronger than another who chose not to marry but are perfectly happy how they are. Some people like the security and the signature on the piece of paper to declare that they’ve made that commitment to each other and others don’t feel that’s a necessity in their relationship. And again, I can’t stress enough these are my own thoughts and if yours differ, that’s fine.
So as I’ve gotten older I can’t say that I’ve had too many thoughts about marriage. I’m 25 years old and I’m certainly not someone who always dreams of getting married, nor am I someone who’s set in stone that they’re never going to tie the knot. I’m kinda hovering somewhere in the middle. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I just want to be in a positive place in my life and within myself before it did because I would never go into a marriage without being 100% certain (which I think is quite a sensible thing to say).
I’m also quite an introverted person. The thought of walking down an aisle in front of hundreds of people, wearing a huge dress and shoes I can’t walk in makes me literally clam up. I get flustered when someone asks me a question, so the thought of being the center of attention for your wedding day is something that really doesn’t sit well with me. I wouldn’t want to be the center of attention; my partner would be just as much in the wedding as I would be so why isn’t the attention more equal?
I also don’t like the idea of how much money you spend on a wedding. I wholeheartedly agree that you don’t need to spend a fortune in order to have a lovely time but weddings seem so extortionate and I couldn’t bare to part with that much money or even worse, have my parents part with that much money, just for one day. It’s not because I’m tight, it’s because firstly, everyone should have a nice time with family and friends regardless of how much money goes into it and secondly, I’d rather save that money and spend it on a holiday or the honeymoon.
So to sum up my fairly, word-vomitty explanation on my thoughts about marriage; personally, it’s not a necessity but I wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea if it felt right to me. I wouldn’t make a big song and dance about the wedding, I’d simply want it to be a nice, fun event for everyone involved.
However, I have done a bit of brainstorming and thought up a few things I would definitely like if I was to have a traditional wedding:
Local: I don’t think I’d get married in a church (although I’m sure that would be lovely) but somewhere like the Hythe Imperial Hotel wedding venue in Kent, would be perfect. It’s modern and fairly local and I think that would be important. It’s also right near the coast, which would be absolutely lovely as I love the sea!
Spring or Autumn: My worst fear would be having a Summer wedding. I hate Summer, I hate the heat, I have the worst hay fever in the world and would not enjoy spending my entire wedding day blowing my nose and sneezing. So early Spring or Autumn would be a lovely time for a wedding; you’ll either have the flowers blooming or the gorgeous oranges and greens of Autumn around you!
Outdoors: I would love a wedding outdoors; I’m much calmer when I’m outside I think and if I went ahead and had a wedding by the coast, there would always be a lovely breeze. Perfect!
Buffet dinner: Wedding food can be do difficult to navigate, especially if you’ve got so many guests. So I’d straight up go for a buffet with plenty of options, so I know there’s something for everyone without worrying. Meat, vegetarian, Vegan, gluten-free – the works!
Short dress: Let’s be real, long dresses look absolutely outrageous on me. So I’d definitely opt for a low-key, short wedding dress which isn’t too fancy, is comfy and doesn’t trip me over, hurrah!
What would you include in your dream wedding? Have you already had your dream wedding? And what are your views on marriage?
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Such an amazing thought. My thought about marriage is kind of same.
I feel ya on this, I never saw marriage as like the ultimate goal. But I’m glad Chris and I got married, I love having that commitment to each other. I HATED being the centre of attention, though, on our wedding day. I wish we’d eloped, but I didn’t want to disappoint my grandparents.
Awh that’s a shame! As long as you had a good day that’s all that maters 🙂 x
I’ve been married for 23 years this Dec! Never did the big white wedding. Did it in a registry office, then we had a traditional Handfasting. I’ve never seen the point of all the fuss for a big wedding. Small & intimate is what we wanted. At the end of the day, it is your special day and I think big weddings seem more for everyone else to enjoy. 🙂
It’s great that you did it your way 🙂 x
I completely get your train of thought. I used to think I wouldn’t get married but I was open to it (If it happens, it happens, if not, it’s all good). After helping my sister through her wedding, as an introvert, I wanted an even smaller wedding or an elopement. I decided on an elopement, which was exactly how my husband wanted it. Win-win! You’ll know what’s right for you and your someday future husband when the time comes. 🙂
That’s great that you found that mutual thing you were both happy with! 🙂
I think i have always wanted to be married, i come from a broken home and i just wanted to show that two people could stay together, i am now married and i wish my wedding had gone a little differently, we have plans to renew our vows in the future and will plan it how we want than how others think we want
Awh I hope your renewals are more how you would like them 🙂 xx
Great post! I never imagined myself with a big dress, with hundreds of people watching me walk down an isle in a massive church and then ride off on a horse and carriage lol. I wasn’t that girl who had a dream wedding in mind or thought about what dress she would wear.
When I knew Ben was the one, even before we got engaged, j knew I just wanted to be married to him, committed on paper and in name. I also knew i likes th idea of exchanging rings but that was it. When we did get engaged I was happy to book the first opening at a register and do it ASAP! But Ben wanted his family there so we had to discuss it and agree. We didn’t have an engagement party (waste of money) and I knew I didn’t want people there just because they’re family but don’t see them ever! My dress was found accidentally…. wait I’m practically writing my own post here lol I’m gona stop lol but I enjoyed your post and I’m loving your blog right now, xxx
Awh thank you and thanks for sharing your story! I’d also not bother with an engagement party either xxx
I’m the opposite. When I was younger I always knew I wanted to get married. I had loads of ideas of what I wanted it to be like. I actually was engaged a few years ago! However, that didn’t work out. My new partner and I have talked about marriage, but I’m a lot more cautious about it now after having one failed engagement.
Also, if Kent is local to you then we’re neighbouring counties! And we’re a similar age too. I feel a surprising kinship with you now 😂 xo
I’m in Essex so Kent is very near! Just over the bridge 🙂 I think it’s great that you’re being cautious xx
Ah, I’m East Sussex! Hi neighbour! 😂 yeah, I’ve had quite a few ups and downs in my life, so I try to think everything through fully before making big decisions. It doesn’t always go to plan 😂 xo
I do want to get married (I’m actually engaged) but my main issue is how to do it my way. I also don’t believe in spending 20k+ on one day but there feels an awful lot of pressure to do so. Almost like people make you feel stingy or that you will miss out if you don’t. I would also like a buffet meal and want the afters in a traditional pub but I’m finding somewhere who can accommodate that pretty hard right now, which is a pain.
Ah I hope you manage to get the wedding you want! 20k on one day is outrageous in my opinion!
I so could have written this, I’ve never wanted to get married really (hello independent women) haha. But the wedding you described if you was is how I’d want my day .. if I was to get married. Hate summer, and would be outdoors, buffet and a short dress. Xx
Great minds! 😉 xxx
I’m a hugely indecisive person in life in general… all I know about marriage for sure is that I don’t want a huge one, I feel like it would cause way too much anxiety on my part. The planning, the day in general, etc.
I’m totally with you on that, anxiety would be my biggest fear with a wedding xx
Wow some of the comments on this post are kind of wild… and slightly insulting haha.
I didn’t think I’d ever get married to be honest, but then I did and now I can’t imagine not being married. I don’t think it’s necessary whatsoever, you can have a very strong bond with someone you’re not married to, and I didn’t take his name so it wasn’t about ‘being a family’ or something. I just love the security of knowing he needs to go to court to leave me hahaha (I’m kidding).
I will totally agree that being centre of attention is kind of the worst. I made up an excuse to ask my guests not to take photos during the ceremony cause I couldn’t bear the thought of them flashing cameras in my face as I walked up the aisle (even them looking was bad enough). And it’s definitely VERY pricey. Saving it for the honeymoon seems like a much better plan!
Beth x
Yeah some opinions were questionable hahaha xxx
Honestly, a lot the same as you. If/when I do walk down the aisle it’ll be somewhere local, near the coast, in a short dress, in spring or autumn.
Cora | http://www.teapartyprincess.co.uk/
Sounds perfect! 🙂 xxx
I agree with you. I’m honestly not bothered about getting married, I just find the whole process a huge expense if I’m honest and I can think of far better ways to spend the money, it’s just one day.
http://littlemissmelanie.com
Totally agree! xxx
It’s so interesting hearing different opinions on this!
I enjoy hearing everyone’s opinions too 🙂 xx
Very brave of you to share your thoughts on this! Too many people think that marriage is a necessity in order to be happy when it absolutely isn’t!
Shauna || https://goddessguide.co.uk
Absolutely 🙂 xxx
I’m am so with ya all the way on this one. I too never had plans to ever…ever be married. But, my now husband did have those plans! We lived together for over a year and a half before he asked me but he told me he wanted to marry me day one. I was LIKE NO! I also did not want to be married with tons of people arounds, most you don’t even know and spend tons of money that you don’t really have. This was hard as my husband’s family was a divorced family that remarried and then divorced again…holy hell! So we did have too many people and i knew many 20 of them but we only spent a little over $5,000 and it was beautiful. Outside, in fall, by the water…simple. We have been together now 16 years and have two kids. Crazy how things turn out!
Wow sounds perfect and definitely didn’t break the bank either! xxx
I didn’t think about it when I was younger but when I met nick I knew it was what I wanted and we had our dream wedding three years ago. It was so special and worth it xx
Awh wow that’s lovely! 🙂 xx
I loved being a bridesmaid last month but marriage is definitely not something I want for myself x
http://www.ofbeautyandnothingness.co.uk
I’ve been a bridesmaid a few times too x
I always wanted to get married, when my mental health deteriorated I never thought I would, as I got better though, I eventually did walk down the aisle, it wasn’t a massive wedding just our nearest and dearest and it was the best thing I ever did – almost 4 years later, we are still going strong. It is different for everyone though!
Love, Amie ❤
The Curvaceous Vegan
I’m so proud you managed to get yourself down the aisle even when you thought you wouldn’t! xxx
Great thoughts and couldn’t agree more. Getting married doesn’t make a relationship and the amount of money people spend on a “party” is scandalous!!
We were going to get married abroad but opted for a much more low key wedding with immediate family only at the ceremony and then we could have up to 100 people in the evening.
It ended up being a really nice hotel/ bar in Windsor on the Thames and it felt like we could share the day with everyone we wanted to.
I don’t think any amount of money thrown at it could have made the day any more special and our relationship only gets stronger as we both strive to improve and work on it.
Thanks for sharing…Sorry for rambling on!
Mike
Haha not at all I loved hearing that! I’m glad you had a lovely day 🙂 xx
As you know, I just got engaged. I’ve known my whole life that I’ve always wanted to get married but now I’m actually in a place of organising one and my own at that, I am so sure what I do want and don’t want. I’m hoping for flip flops, beer and bbq on the beach! Each to their own!
Rosie
Wow a beach wedding sounds fun!
I’ve always dreamed about getting married but after 5 years as a single mum and dating a lot (LOT) of losers, I’d come to the acceptance level that it wasn’t going to happen. And I was okay with that. But then I met my fiance and it all changed. It’s different though because we have 2 kids and a house, plus we’re not in our twenties, e’re both 30 so it’s hard to justify a big expensive wedding – which is why we’re getting hitched abroad with a handful of family and that’s it! x
That sounds perfect! and a perfect example of how circumstances can change. I can’t wait to see / hear about your wedding! xxx
I loved this post, I’m exactly the same as you.. I HATE being the center of attention, haha! If I ever did want to, I would much rather it be abroad with a few family members 🙂
Kate | http://www.katelovesx.co.uk
Sounds perfect to me! 🙂 xxx
Since I was a child I knew I would never get married – I was sure o that. When my Ex-boyfriends pop the question I ran as fast as I could, lol, until I’ve met my husband… From the moment we met, we knew that we belong together. Cheesy I know, but also true <3
Can definitely depend on the person too 🙂 Some people just aren’t marriage material and that’s fine xxx
Yeah it is <3
I feel like that 16 year old in the comments who doesn’t want to get married.It just seems like too much commitment to me, unless he’s a business partner.I’m probably going to change, I don’t know.I’m convinced though, that marriage is not my thing.Nonetheless, I loved this blog-post, it’s very unique and interesting!
Well you never know, things could change. It’s good to have an open mind xxx
I personally can’t wait to get married one day but then again I can see all the reasons why some don’t want to get married. At the end of the day it is just a piece of paper, but a wedding is also about celebrating love. Great post though!
Rebecca Elaine x
Absolutely agree 🙂 xxx
Very nicely written💜 I am pretty young to dream about a wedding. I think marriage is a legally recognised committed relationship… That’s it, 💟
I think you’re right 🙂 xx
with marriage is not natural in nature, so I don’t know why you need too. If you love the person you are with surely that’s enough
I feel like marriage breeds breakups or lower quality relationships. It causes expectations to arise that didn’t exist before which leads to meaningless tension, strain and pressure within the relationship.
Wifey is all like “but husbando we’re married now! you can’t get drunk on a Wednesday afternoon” and then husbando is all like “wifey can you not nag me!?”
or alternately
husbando is all like “wifey we are married now. Therefore you should be cleaning the house for me!” and then wifey is all like “husbando I refuse to be part of your patriarchy!”
I’m a little boy who writes things rather than a psychologist so I can’t explain why it happens only that it does. People go into marriages expecting their partner to become a new person then are disappointed when they inevitably realise their partner has not magically become perfect. It’s the little things that matter. Stealing the duvet. Ordering Chinese when the other person wanted pizza. Folding the laundry wrong. They expect these issues to disappear but of course, they don’t.
I’ve always wanted to get married (and I am happy to say that I got my dream wedding) but I totally get you on why you wouldn’t want to. Weddings are expensive, and I think my other half and I were very lucky that we shared the same friendship group so we ended up having a pretty small ceremony. I think going with the flow is definitely the best way to go about it – just do what you feel comfortable with, and I’m sure your other half will understand whatever your decision!
On another note – a wedding by the coast sounds like an absolute dream! I wish the UK was better for outdoor weddings (but then I guess you could always go abroad!)
An abroad wedding would be dreamy wouldn’t it?! I totally agree with everything you said 🙂 xxx
I kind of feel similar to you about weddings. I do like how you did some research on what kind of weddimg you’d give if you were to have on after all haha. I don’t think I’ll ever think that far ahead as I seem to be more on the fence of not wanting to marry. I think the only reason why I would is to declare a day of love for my partner, but then every day should be such a day so haha
Yeah that’s totally true you definitely don’t need to spend thousands of pounds on an entire day to show someone you love them! xxx