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I’m closer to 30. F**k.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, I’m going to be 26 years old, I’m sitting here writing this post listening to Disney songs and I genuinely feel like I’m never going to grow up. When I was 15, I thought, ‘wow, 26 year old’s are proper adults, doing adult things’. But now I’m there (well, almost) I couldn’t feel less like how my naive little 15 year-old self thought I would at this age. Ugh, it’s weird and it’s freaking me out a bit. 

I tend to go through these sort of thought processes a lot when it comes to my birthday and I sorta kinda explained it in this post I wrote ages ago about why I don’t really like my own birthday. I find it odd and weird and difficult for a whole bunch of reasons and I can’t help but fret that it’s only going to get worse as I get older.

The thing that gets me the most is all the things that never were. All the dreams I had and how growing up, I was so convinced life would be so easy and good and all those plans would run smoothly and I’d achieve all my goals in a heartbeat. How hard can it be? Just go to college, go to uni, get your degree, get your dream job, buy a house and a car.

But little did I know back then that mental illness would shove those dreams down the drain for Pennywise to eat along with poor little Georgie’s arm. I didn’t even take into account that circumstances might change, that I might change. Until I did. 

Of course I know you’re never too old to stop dreaming, to stop having plans and to stop wanting to achieve stuff and before anyone comments it (if you mention this next point in the comments then I’ll know you didn’t read the post properly) I know I’m not old. I know 26 is still young and I still have plenty of time to do what I want, to change my mind, to achieve my goals. But it’s just more difficult to think rationally when I’m very aware that suddenly, just like that, I’m another year older.

And it’s that notion of time, too. The stark reminder that time moves so damn fast. Ugh, stop.

Anyway, this post is getting a bit morbid and turning into a bit of a word vomit so I’m going to round it up. If you, like me, don’t enjoy your birthday for whatever reason then you’ll understand my thoughts and feelings behind this post. If you absolutely love your birthday and have no idea what I’m really talking about… lucky you.

I’m not going to expect great changes this year, I’m not going to do the whole, “26 will be my year!” because if I’ve learnt anything, it’s that expectations often lead to disappointments. So it’s better not to expect anything at all. And if something good happens? Well, that’s just the icing on top of the cake.

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Jenny in Neverland

Twenty-something lifestyle blogger from Essex. Book lover, Slytherin, organisational wizard and enjoys Motorsport, Disney and Yoga.

133 Comments

  1. Sarah Sullivan says:

    happy birthday for the other day, I completely understand where you are coming from with not liking them, since becoming older, i think 28 onwards i break down on my birthdays, i feel extremely sad and cry a lot (its my birthday and i can cry if i want to!) my life is a lot different at 32 than what i expected it to be when i was 16.. so many wasted years.. time for sure needs to slow down a bit

    1. I totally agree and feel very similar, I definitely had a little cry yesterday!

  2. Kirstie Wheeler says:

    I totally get this. I am not really a fan of my birthday either; I still celebrate it though as it is an excuse to be the centre of attention for a day.

    Happy birthday xoxo

    1. Haha I hate being centre of attention so much!

  3. I totally get it. I’m 24, and my life definitely isn’t how I expected it would be when I was younger. Not that it’s bad, but it’s definitely been harder, with a lot more anxiety, than I expected it to be. That being said, I’m still quite the optimist, so, regardless of how difficult it gets, I’m hopeful it’ll all work out in the end.

    Growing up is so weird, and half the time I still feel 12! Regardless, I hope you still have a happy birthday, and even if you’re not looking forward to growing older, at least you can use today as an excuse to eat all the cake you want without anyone judging you!

    1. I still feel 16 😂

  4. Jenny, I totally feel you. I’m 24 and I kinda feel the same. I know I’m young and have loads of time to dream and achieve but birthdays just remind me of everything I have left to achieve. It’s a constant reminder that time is ticking. Either way, I hope you’ve had a lovely day and managed to enjoy it. Sending all the positive vibes 💕

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

    1. Thank you 🙂

  5. this was a really great post, i think it’s really brave that you were so honest about how you feel regarding your birthday. time does go by so quickly and it’s really easy to feel like you aren’t measuring up. one thing i struggle with as I get older (i just turned 24) is how i’m gonna be kicked off my parents insurance in two years but have no desire to get a new job. my current job doesn’t have health insurance and it never will which can be scary when you take medicine for mental illness and heavy periods lol. anyways, i hope you had a good birthday and that 26 is a great year for you. sending you lots of positive vibes and love xxx

    mich // simplymich.com

    1. Oh no! Are you in the US? I don’t think we have anything like that here, I’m certainly not on any medical insurance but that does sound scary!

  6. abigailtalkabout says:

    I can relate to this post so much. I turn 25 in five weeks and I am no way ready for it, I thought by now I would have my life planned out and be one of those super mature adults but I was way off the scale!

    1. Yep that’s exactly how I felt at 25 as well, it only gets worse 😂

  7. (I’m so tempted to say that you’re not old and 26 is still young just because you told me not to haha) ANYWAY, I relate to this. The older I get, the more I realise that time is fleeting and it feels like their is a timer on my dreams. It’s only happened for me the last few years as I’m only 20 so it’s quite a new, foreign feeling and it’s quite terrifying. Wishing you all the best for this next year! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

    Jas xx | https://thoughtsfromjasmine.co.uk

    1. Haha! Knew someone would 😉

  8. I relate completely! I turn 26 in November and feel completely unprepared for the next faze of my 20s. I thought I knew where I would be by now but, it turns out that life is much much more stressful than I’d imagined and the past year or two have been really really tough. I hope that things brighten up soon and I can get back on track with the goals I thought I was going to achieve when I was in my teens.

    Kate | cakeandcoast.com

    1. We sound like we’re in a similar boat! Hope you manage to turn 26 with little stress and things calm down for you 🙂

  9. Happy Birthday!! I can definitely relate to what you’re feeling! I’m close to 20 and it kinda feels weird because then I’ll have to be on my own and all and that’s definitely new to me!! But if I’m thinking 20 is scary, 30 must be terrifying!! But I hope your life goes well that you live an amazing and positive life.

    1. Thank you 🙂 Well, I’m 26 and still live with my parents, nothing wrong with it 🙂

      1. Your welcome!!

  10. Completely get where your coming from! I love birthdays and always want to make everyone’s sooooo special and then in reality my own birthday is just one big disappointment on the day and in reflection of what little I have achieved.I hit 30 this year and although I had a slight meltdown iv got to the point now where I just do, go and think whatever I want. It’s your life and there is more than just adulting! So do what makes you happy whether that’s over birthdays or not as life simply is far too short! Xx

  11. Rebecca Elaine (@rebeccaxelaine) says:

    Happy birthday! That is like me. I normally like my birthday but recently a few of my friends have turned their backs on me and I have been dealing with pretty bad mental health (especially for me anyway) that I am not really looking forward to it this year. Its just going to be another day for me.

    Rebecca Elaine x

    1. Oh no I’m sorry to hear that. Similar for me too actually, I don’t really have any friends to share it with anymore.

  12. Happy Birthday beautiful! Sending tons of birthday wishes.

    1. Thank you 🙂

  13. As someone who is 30, I found the title slightly offensive!! LOL Because although the notion of 30 can be daunting, it’s really nothing but a number. Nothing changes unless you want it to, no opportunities are lost and you’re not running out of time. The only thing that shifts is your perception – it’s honestly nothing to worry about and everything to look forward to. x

    1. I’m someone who’s very sensitive about my birthday and the thought of being 26 today sends me into a huge state of anxiety so that is genuinely how I feel about turning 30 in a few years although I know it’s just a number and it doesn’t really matter. I envy anyone who isn’t affected by their age and has that mindset but unfortunately I’m not one of those people.

  14. I just turned 33 yesterday and I literally forget how old I am constantly 😂 I just stopped caring after 30 tbh 🙂

    1. Wow everyone’s birthday is in September!

  15. loved this read, would love if you’d check my first post out too? just followed excited to see what more you’ve got to offer x

  16. I remember freaking out just about the same way as I approached 30, but seeing as I’m now 32, it’s not all that bad. Your 20s are about a time of reflection, learning more about yourself, and you’re clear to make mistakes. Your 30s are about making your dreams happen. 🙂

    1. I hope you’re right!

  17. This is a very relatable post. And that It reference was top-notch.

    1. I’m so glad someone mentioned the IT reference!

  18. Very honest post and think lots of people will relate!

    1. Thanks, I think they have!

  19. Happy birthday 🎂! I dreaded turning 30 but actually it was great. Getting older is definitely better than the alternative! X

    1. Awh I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  20. First of all: happy birthday!

    I literally felt (too) old since I was 9 and have, since then, not enjoyed any birthday whatsoever, saddling myself with ‘guilt’ and being overwhelmed (or underwhelmed) by all the things I haven’t done (like the I-know-non-existing ‘normal’ people my age). So yeah… not very uplifting words, but, as I believe you can see from the comment-section, you’re not alone in this (and that must be worht something, right?). 😉

    Love,
    Dominique

    http://www.fashionedbypluche.blogspot.com

    1. Haha not uplifting but definitely relatable!

  21. You’re only as old and you let yourself be! I love that you’re still lisnteing to Disney music, I’ll definitly be the same at 26! Hope you have a lovely birthday xxx
    Love, Cally x
    http://www.lovecally.com

    1. **as you let yourself be

    2. Thank you 🙂 I’ll never grow out of Disney, that’s for sure.

  22. Happy birthday!! I’m 30 next year! X

    1. Thank you 🙂

  23. I’ve always been one of those people that doesn’t set a lot of goals because I don’t want to be disappointed 🙈 I’d much rather just go with the flow and if something fab happens then great! Great post xx

    1. I think I should follow in your footsteps to be honest!

  24. Very relatable! I feel that society puts so much pressure on making your 20s the “best years ever!!!” and if you aren’t succesful in your 20’s you’ll never be. Which is ridiculous!!

    1. Agreed! It’s ridiculous!

  25. Boxnip says:

    I’m 47, my body feels about 107 and my head feels around 23! Having gotten ill just after my 40th, then diagnosed with Giant Cell Arteritis last year, I feel like I’ve lost so much of what should have been my years to be fit and active. My life certainly has not turned out how I planned but you just have to make the most of what life has dealt you, the good and bad. Birthdays just remind me I’m another year older and it’s another year lost.

    1. Thanks very true 🙂

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