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A conversation that irked me

This is going to be one of my fairly word-vomitty, un-planned, see where it takes me type posts so if you’re not a fan of those, I won’t be offended (I wouldn’t be a fan either, don’t worry). But I had a conversation a few months ago that really irked me and I wanted to share it with you in case it irks you too – misery loves company and all that! So behold, story time with Jenny in Neverland. Today’s story is called, “A Conversation With my Postman”.

Now, before we get into it, I’m certain that my postman didn’t mean to cause offence or irk me with what he said. He’s a lovely man and I enjoy chatting to him (usually – apart from this occasion) so although he’s absolutely 100% not reading this, nothing again you, okay mate? Okay.

So the postman knocked a little while ago, armed with book mail and some products I was sent to review (yay!) and as always, we got chatting. He mentioned that he’d be gone for a few weeks in the Summer because he was going to be in India, for his son’s wedding. Which got us talking about holidays.

He asked me if I had any planned and I said my boyfriend and I were going away to Shropshire in September and that I was going to Norfolk for a Yoga retreat in November. He laughed and said, “have you ever been abroad?!” I’m sure he didn’t mean it but it sounded quite patronizing.

I said that yes, I have actually. So he asked me where I’d been and I started naming a few places, “Spain, Majorca, Tenerife, Gran Caneria etc. etc.” To which he laughed again and said “well what’s the longest journey you’ve been on?” Meaning, where’s the furthest place away I’ve been. So I said probably Tenerife, which was a 4 hour flight.

Cutting to the chase, he proceeded to tell me about a massive holiday he had in Thailand and all of these super long-haul, hot, exotic places that he’s been to. I managed to end the conversation eventually, shut the door and proceed to get more and more irked about it, the longer I thought about it.

Now again, I’m certain he didn’t mean bad by anything he said. But what really irked (I’ve said irked too much) me the most was the assumption that A) I should be going abroad, B) why aren’t I going abroad? and C) Even when I told him I had been abroad, my abroad wasn’t good enough. No, I haven’t been to Thailand. Fuck off.

I’ve spoke about this so many times, mostly on Twitter about how judgmental people can be with the whole “to travel or not to travel” argument and the realization that not everyone wants to travel and not everyone wants to travel far. I love my UK holidays and I’m not ashamed that I’m not jetting off to exotic places every Summer.

I want to reiterate again and again that there are so many reasons why people don’t travel, don’t want to travel and don’t want to travel far and not a single one of those reasons is your business and your place to judge why or where people travel or don’t travel to.

My holidays mean so much to me and having anxiety, even the smallest trips can sometimes be a huge deal for me. But I do them, I manage it and I am so grateful for being able to go on holiday – even if it is only to other parts of the UK. I’d love to travel abroad but money is tight and the holidays we take just happen to be closer to home. There’s nothing wrong with that.

So I’ll sign off with, please don’t judge people for their choices which have nothing to do with you. Not everyone can travel. Not everyone wants to travel. Not everyone can afford big, luxury holidays. Not everyone can afford small, low-key holidays. We’re all different and benefit from different things and if it’s none of your business, don’t make people feel about about their decisions.

At the end of the day, I don’t care where I am. As long as I’m in good company and make some lovely memories.

What are your thoughts on this post and this conversation I had? I’d love to hear your opinions but please be respectful of others.

Here are some of my previous posts about my UK staycations:

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Jenny in Neverland

Twenty-something lifestyle blogger from Essex. Book lover, Slytherin, organisational wizard and enjoys Motorsport, Disney and Yoga.

96 Comments

  1. Hmm, I can’t help wonder if he exaggerated about his holidays…? Everyone knows how to frame sentences to consider other peoples feelings, and he just didn’t! Re-posing the question shows it was a choice. Perhaps the green-eyed monster paid him a visit that day..? Think you have every right to feel irked by this conversation.

  2. […] looks beautiful but I hate getting too hot. But travel means different things to everyone and I certainly don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to travel extensively and perhaps only going to a select few places or staying closer to home, like a staycation. But […]

  3. Amazing post !!

  4. Interesting post

  5. Goodness, it’s one thing to want to brag about where you’ve been and what you’ve seen, but to shame others for not having the same opportunities or experiences….tactless. Plain and simple.

    On The Cusp | https://on-th3-cusp.blogspot.com/

    1. I definitely agree!

  6. seems a little odd, why is staying at home and seeing your home country such a bad thing? if its the cost then some places in the UK can be about the same price as a trip over seas.. i dont understand some people.

    1. I don’t know, I don’t know why it’s his problem either 😂

  7. I feel your exasperation! We are doing mainly stay-cations at the moment, for a number of reasons, and whenever I say I have a week off, I always get “where are you going?” Where did we get to the point where every time someone has time off, they are supposed to be going somewhere – for the whole time? That means the only time you’re at home is when you’re working. I think that’s sad.

  8. Each to their own, as you rightly say there are many reasons people don’t Holiday abroad, or if they do why they stay within a short haul distance. It’s certainly not something to judge a person on.

    http://littlemissmelanie.com

    1. Exactly, not at all!

  9. missviclb says:

    Oh I’ve come across SO many people who are like this and it’s ridiculous. I adore UK holidays. The whole journey of travelling abroad makes me anxious on its own. I’m sure I’ll give it a go one day, but it’s way too expensive for me right now. I don’t even mind, I love a UK break away.

    1. Exactly some people don’t realise that not everyone can afford it either.

  10. I completely agree with you on this. I have been lucky enough to go on some fairly long-haul holidays, but some of my favourite memories ever are from trips to the Scottish Isles. There are no wrong or right holidays, travel doesn’t make you a better person, especially if all you learn from it is to brag about where you’ve been! People can be so judgemental about this and I hate all the viral tweets telling people to “travel while they’re young” etc – it’s not feasible for everyone and it just makes people feel shit if they can’t. Your upcoming holidays sound amazing and I hope you have the best time!
    Beth x

    1. Oh I hate those tweets! “Quit your job, go and travel” and all that shit 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

  11. I’m with you! we love Lanzarote! people are always saying ‘Oh you’re going there AGAIN’, bloody cheek, we found the most amazing hotel, the same staff look after us time after time and treat us like returning family. We got fed up of long-haul, takes ages to get over the jet lag, especially when you have to go right back to work. People should mind their own business – we also love holidaying here in the UK, it’s an amazing little country! glad I found your blog!

    1. I love Lanzarote! I’d love to go back and I think it’s great that you’ve found a little home away from home 🙂

      1. We prefer it to any of the other Canary Islands and definitely to the mainland, the people aren’t so friendly on the mainland. Nice to meet you!

  12. ‘At the end of the day, I don’t care where I am. As long as I’m in good company and make some lovely memories.’ Hear hear!!!!

    1. Haha yasssss 🙌🏻

  13. he sounds like a one upper, and super judgy, try not to take it to personally, though I get it I take everything on such a personal level.

    1. Haha oh no! I didn’t take it personally as much as it just irritated me!

  14. Boxnip says:

    This would really annoy me. I can’t travel as I’m housebound/bedridden, though to look at me, you wouldn’t know it. Like you say, not everyone can travel or even wants to. I’d love to travel but the only place I get to go is hospital lol x

    1. It was a very annoying conversation I will admit. I hope there’s a way for you to see some places you want to see in the future if at all possible 🙂

  15. I can totally see how this would irk you! It would’ve annoyed me, too! Personally, I’m not very much interested in traveling, and, to be honest, I’m a poor college student so I just don’t have that type of money in the first place. It’s so annoying when people get that better than you attitude just because they’ve done something different. 🙄

    1. Exactly see nobody would know that so why judge?

  16. Thats so weird! I’m sorry you had to go through that convo! I think its great that you travel even if its close!! And just because people don’t travel doesn’t mean there is anything less about them! Tho it is a little fun to make fun of people that have never left the US, but I would never be snobby about it. Its more of a “Holy cow I can’t believe you have never been outside the US” type surprised disbelief. But I don’t think it makes me superior that I have. It just means I have been lucky enough to have the opportunities!

    1. Yeah exactly I totally agree!

  17. shaunaclairegg says:

    Ugh, totally get where you’re coming from!

    1. Thank you!

  18. katesbeautyhome says:

    What a strange way to handle a conversation (the postman now). I like both going abroad and British holidays, I haven’t exactly been anywhere majorly exotic but it suits me and my family. I enjoy listening to how other people’s holidays went and hearing of their experiences, I would never dream of making anyone feel bad about that. I know your postman probably didn’t mean to but it is a little rude. Wherever you are off to next have a great time and enjoy the time relaxing.
    Kate x

    1. I know it was a bit odd wasn’t it haha!

  19. It’s funny how some innocent conversations end up really getting under your skin, isn’t it? I’m going to Cardiff to stay with a friend in a few weeks and that’s the furthest I’ve gone in a long time. Circumstances mean i’m kinda lucky to be going anywhere, let alone abroad. You go to where you want to go – and as long as you enjoy it, who cares if you’ve gone 10 miles or 10,000 miles?

    Lovely post – I love your rambling ones!

    1. Yeah exactly it literally makes no difference to anyone! 😂 and thank you, I like a good ramble!

  20. Although I’m doing so much traveling right now it doesn’t male these people any more bearable! I think he’s on of these… 😂 https://mancgirlmissing.com/how-to-travel-without-being-a-holier-than-thou-twat/

    1. Haha glad you agree!

  21. I think this was uncalled for entirely. A holiday is a holiday, no matter how far you happen to travel. Yes, it’s good to go to places for the ‘culture’ or whatever, but you can equally go on holiday to unwind. They’re personal experiences, so people shouldn’t let their snobbery ruin what’s special to one person. Plus, they don’t know how much effort people put in to actually go, as packing and holidays in general can be a stressful time. Cheers for sharing this, think that’s one less person on your Christmas list 😂

    1. Hahaha! Definitely 😂 and I totally agree with everything you’ve said too. Travel snobs are the worst.

  22. lesleyconnor says:

    I don’t think a holiday can be measured by how far your travel, but rather than the experiences and enjoyment you gain from it. Everyone in Australia seems to go to Bali – except us, it just doesn’t appeal at all.

    1. Yep I agree and no that doesn’t appeal to me either!

  23. I find travelling anywhere (even just within the UK) intensely stressful and a huge ordeal so I am completely with you on this! It’s nobody’s business why people do and don’t go on holidays 💛

    1. Totally 🙂

  24. He clearly lacks in tact but I genuinely don’t think he meant any harm. He obviously just didn’t think about what he was saying – as men don’t think about the implication of stuff like that I don’t think (and yes I know that sounds horribly generalised!) x

    1. No I completely agree, they often don’t!

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