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I feel like 2019 has been there year everyone has leveled up with their self care and realised just how important it is to show up for yourself. I’ve been banging on about self care on this blog for a while, from how I’ve improved my own self care over the year, to the basic self care you shouldn’t overlook and everything in-between. It’s a journey, one I’m still very much riding the wave of.

Show Up For Yourself

Photo by STIL on Unsplash

But today I wanted to steer clear of self care, you can find PLENTY of brilliant blog posts about the different ways to practice self care and instead talk about how to show up for yourself. Which focuses less on bubble baths and lighting candles and more on really digging deep and finding out who you are, what you need and how you can show up for your own damn life without regrets.

Don’t get me wrong, I love bubble baths and all your typical self care activities. But after years of practice, I’m pretty clued up on what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like a heap of shit when I need a bit of extra self love and care.

So, how exactly DO you show up for yourself? Is there any special trick or magic potion you need to use? Absolutely not. Showing up for yourself is all about honoring your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs and showing yourself the respect you deserve.

Let’s look at some practical ways you can show up for yourself. You are your #1 priority after all:

Make choices that honor your needs when they arise

I think this is above all else, the most important element of how to show up for yourself. And really, everything else is more or less a byproduct of honoring your needs. Sometimes this might mean cancelling plans because of a bad mental health day. Or eating a healthy dinner because you’ve had takeaway for the last 3 nights in a row.

Your needs fall under four important categories; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual and any one of those can be disrupted when we’re not truly honoring what we need. Of course this isn’t possible 100% of the time but when it is possible, it’s one of the most effective ways to show up for yourself.

Say yes to the opportunities that you want and deserve

Ah, the comfort zone. This is one that I’ve worked on quite a bit this year but also know I need to continue working on. My anxiety had me stuck in a very rigid and quite frankly, boring, comfort zone for a very long time. There’s certainly nothing wrong with a comfort zone. If we’re honoring our emotional needs then perhaps a cup of tea, in bed with your dog and favourite box set is exactly where you need to be.

But I think we can all honestly say, hand on heart, that we’ve sometimes turned down opportunities for a variety of reasons. Whether that’s because another area of our life has taken priority or because you didn’t feel like you deserved the opportunity or didn’t feel like you had the skills for it.

I’ve definitely stepped out of my comfort zone this year in terms of my blog, photography and the opportunities I’ve accepted. I feel like in that way, I’ve really shown up for myself. And I feel all the better for it! For me, one of those things was outfit photos – something I’ve never been comfortable with.

But I was kindly sent this dress, perfect for Autumn, Winter and definitely over the Christmas period which obviously required some photos. I took these myself, with a make-shift tripod and honestly, I don’t hate them! So here I am, with my pale skin and wobbly bits, loving life for stepping out of my comfort zone.

The dress itself is SO comfortable. Like I said, perfect for the upcoming seasons but any time of year really. It could definitely be dressed up or down and I love the off the shoulder design you can have with it too. ANGELEYE sell a lot of really unique and striking pieces, including stand-out Wedding Guest Outfits too!

Manifest your dream life

Manifestation is something I’ve come to love over the last few years, since watching this video from Alyse Parker, one of my favourite YouTuber’s (if you like this post and these sort of topics, then you’ll love her!) Manifestation doesn’t have to be this wishy-washy thing people make it out to be.

All it has to be is your true self, knowing exactly what you want from all areas of life and having the power and faith within yourself to make that happen. Manifestation isn’t wanting a million quid then the next day winning the lottery. You can find tons of information about manifestation on the Apartment Number 4 blog!

Take time for yourself every single day

My favourite way to do this is through Yoga. But let’s face it, you knew that by now! Rolling out that mat is the only time of the day where I feel 100% like everything in that moment is me and my needs. Nothing else matters when I’m in a downward dog or flowing through Yoga poses.

And whether I do a 50 minute high energy practice or a 10 minute meditation, I know that that time is precious. Find your THING and do it every single day, for however long time allows.

Show yourself the same love and compassion you’d show someone else

Damn this is a tough one isn’t it. How many times have we given someone else a compliment then looked in the mirror and ripped ourselves apart? As someone that’s always suffered from pretty severe self esteem issues, I know how hard and impossible this can be at times.

But it’s important that we at least try (more on why we should try in the next point). This could be starting with the smallest thing, like not judging yourself for taking a mental health day when you need one, like how you wouldn’t judge your best friend for doing the same thing.

Honor your achievements; however big or small

By celebrating all your achievements, it shows that you’re honoring the fact that you’re trying. And we can’t ask any more of ourselves than to simply try. So regardless of what anyone else thinks, be proud of that thing you accomplished. Even if it’s simply getting out of bed when all you want to do is lie under the covers.

I wouldn’t wish anxiety on my worst enemy but the main thing having severe generalized anxiety disorder for so long has taught me is to ALWAYS be proud of your achievements. There was a time where going into the corner shop was the scariest thing in the world for me. So you can bet your bottom dollar I celebrated like I’d won an Oscar every time I managed to do that!

Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel

This is similar to the first point about honoring your needs and acting accordingly instead of physical actions, this time we’re looking at emotional actions. We live in a world where there’s always so much to do, all the time. It’s no wonder we bottle up emotions so much – there’s no time to do anything with them!

But that’s where we need to flip the script and regardless of how busy we are, make time to feel what we need to feel. A good example of this is my Mum, who in August, lost her Dad (my Granddad). For weeks, she was so busy with funeral plans, sorting his things, making calls and arrangements, that the sadness didn’t really hit her until long after he’d passed away.

Get comfortable with yourself

And finally, one of the most important points, I think, is getting comfortable with yourself. Accepting and loving your own company is a great way to show up for yourself, I think! And the notion of getting comfortable with yourself really can mean a whole bunch of things.

Take yourself on a date or go on a solo travel adventure – like one of my favourite bloggers, Absolutely Lucy has dedicated years doing. Find a hobby to do on your own. Get comfortable talking about your needs and feelings. Experiment with your body, invest in sex toys, figure out what you love.

At the end of the day, the person you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with, is you. You need to get along with yourself first. Which of these methods have you tried when you want to show up for yourself? Which pointers do you need to work on more? Anything else you’d add to this post? Let’s chat!

96 Comments

  1. This is absolutely brilliant Jenny. You are able to offer such a unique perspective on things that are already discussed elsewhere. You have this talent to give people new ideas and inspire them to better themselves and to be happier in their lives. Absolutely magnificent, I look forward to reading your posts as they always surprise me in a good way. Keep it up!
    Laura / https://www.laustworld.com/

  2. This is such an incredible post, hun! I honestly have zero clue how to focus on myself when I’ve spent so many years helping others. I’m hoping to use some of these tips and therapy to understand that I’m important too!

    Daisy xoxo | TheDeeWhoLived

  3. I love these tips! I’ll be checking out the manifestation YouTube channel you recommended. Also, those are stunning photos, Jenny!

  4. It is so important that we take care of ourselves however we can. I agree with where our needs fall under. I try my best to go out of my comfort zone as much as I can for growth and knowing what is out there. Self-investment is so important. I love the vibes of this post – a lot to learn from!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

  5. I frickin love this post!! I found it on the BloggersTribe comment thread and I am so glad I did!

    I suck at showing up for myself, so all of your suggestions are super helpful! Thank you.

  6. This is one of my favourite posts. 🙂
    .
    I feel you in relation to the comfort zone and trying to push beyond it this year.
    .

    So many great posts Jen. 🙂 x

  7. Some great tips here, particularly about taking time for yourself everyday (as an introvert I need alone time at least for a few minutes each day) and recognising what you’ve already achieved (so important not to be always looking ahead but see how far you’ve come).

  8. I love this. It is a great switch on the self-care/self love movement. Both of those are so important but this feels like next level stuff.

    Such an important message, thank you for sharing Jenny.

    You look great by the way x

  9. This post was so inspiring and important. My husband always tells me that I need to love myself more and give myself a break and some respect, but it’s definitely something that I need to continuously work on. I think these tips can be incredibly useful, and they are important things to acknowledge.

  10. What a straight-forward yet different post about self-love! I need to keep on manifesting that dream life!

  11. This is a really inspiring post and I love your tips! It’s so important to take some time out for yourself and to look at your needs above everyone else at times. I recently cancelled plans I’d made just so I could curl up with a boxset and my cat for the evening – didn’t make an excuse, I was just honest and said I needed a chill evening. I regret nothing and I felt so much better than what I would have done if I’d gone out and been miserable the entire time! Think it’s something I need to do more often! Xx

  12. My self-esteem and confidence are pretty low in all honesty. I try to work on them but it is very hard. I don’t always allow myself to feel in the moment either. I’m the type of person that bottles all that up and then explodes in tears or anger. So that is definitely something I need to work on. 🙂

    Sarah 🌺 || Boxnip || Latest Post

  13. That dress looks amazing on you! Kudos for pushing out of your comfort zone <3

    I like the concept of showing up for yourself. It's something I'm working hard on and hoping to manage to get better at. Especially celebrating the little things.

  14. I’ve been really trying to engage in self-care to and these are some great ideas. I’m trying to love by the “Try and fail, but don’t fail to try” mindset at the moment. It’s difficult but will hopefully be worth it in the end!

  15. I really needed this post today to remind myself to care for myself a little more and give myself a break during Blogtober! Such a lovely post and you look amazing in the pics, girl x

  16. These are great tips. The one that is hardest for me is taking time for myself every day. I often get so caught up in work or doing things for others, that I sacrifice my own health.

  17. A beautiful dress, and such an innovative way to share your review on it. Love the photos.
    Accepting worthy and sometimes daunting opportunities is a wonderful way to find new parts of yourself and grow. I am doing that now cooking for 100 men.

  18. Loved this post. You definitely covered all the points. I especially resonated with saying yes to the opportunities we want and deserve. On a few occasions I’ve been the person who rejected opportunities, all because I didn’t believe in myself, or the work I produced. I’m so glad that I’ve moved on from that stage. I wholeheartedly believe in myself, and honestly, it’s an amazing feeling! Thanks for sharing dear, such an amazing post. Keep shining and rocking that dress!

    Tx. // Tajinder Kaur

  19. Saying yes to the opportunities that you want and deserve yes so much this! I think we all feel that feeling of should I do this should I not, do I have the skills for this, and in the end not branch out because we like to stay in our comfort zone (nothing wrong with it of course) but there’s so much room to grow once we step out of our comfort zone and chances are we’ll surprise ourselves! I actually almost turned down a freelance opportunity because I felt they needed someone who was way more skilled than me, ended up surprising myself by building a website in 2 days! I can definitely step more out of my comfort zone, but little steps here and there is better than no steps 🙂

    You look fab in your dress!! I used to never take outfit photos before, but slowlllly building my confidence through the years is honestly the best thing to look back on – the dress looks so so comfortable too!

    I haven’t heard of Alyse Parker before (I’ll have to add her on my watch later list!) – I feel we can definitely fall into the trap of thinking of our dreams in a far-away type of way and not putting the pieces together to actually make it a reality.

    Taking time for myself every day is one thing I’m really trying to do more of. I do exercise daily (though this past week had to take some time off for a neck and shoulder issue!) but the calmest thing ever is journaling, and doing some yoga too! Yoga is so underrated, I just feel so relaxed afterwards, I try to do a bit before sleeping!

    Showing compassion the same way you show to someone else is 100% one thing I need to work on, I can be a bit hard on myself so it’s an uphill battle for complimenting myself 🙂

    YESS to honoring your achievements, no matter how big or small it’s super important to be your own number one fan!

    Loved this post!

    1. Totally agree – stepping out of our comfort zone doesn’t have to mean anything huge and scary either. Little things count just as much! Thank you for your kind comments about the dress, it is VERY comfy! And would highly recommend Alyse Parker. She’s been a huge inspiration to me for years. I love your outfits photos / photos of you on your blog! xxx

  20. This great! There are so many facets of self-care that we should be considering, and you touch on some really important ones here. I think people forget the power of saying no when something isn’t right for us but also in saying yes when a great opportunity arises!

  21. Jenny, I have been a long-time fan of your blog and have been reading it for probably longer than anyone else’s. I am SO proud of you! The amount of progress you have made with challenging yourself, being kind to yourself, and growing into the most incredible, generous, bright beautiful soul. It’s giving me so much joy to watch you become more and more proud of your own achievements too. You look unreal in that dress! I’m glad you’re finally starting to see what we all see in you.
    P.s. thank you for the cheeky wee link! I very much appreciate it 🙂 x