How To Be Safe When Dating With a Disability

Jenny in Neverland

5 years ago

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I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing dating-related content over the last year or so. My most recent post was date ideas for gamers and before then, I’ve spoken about how to date virtually and hairstyles for date night among other things. I like exploring the different avenues around relationships and dating as it’s such a large part of so many of our lives!

Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Today we’re going to be talking about dating with a disability. And looking at some various ways to stay as safe as possible when delving into the dating world. Disabled dating is just as important as the dating ventures of any able bodied people, whether that’s both parties who are disabled or just one. And safety should always be a main priority when it comes to dating and meeting new people!

Be honest and open about your disability

To start with, being open and honest about your disability and limitations can be really important. However being so open with someone you’ve just met (or maybe not met yet!) can be incredibly daunting in any situation. This quote from Lila perfectly sums up this point:

“As always, it’s important to know your limits and boundaries and to be vocal about them. But it’s not only about physical safety, but also emotional safety. I have several invisible disabilities and I used to feel bad about holding back from telling people about them until our third or fourth date, but I’ve changed my perspective about that a bit.

Holding back isn’t a sign of shame for me, but rather a healthy protective mechanism that gives me the room to assess the kind of person my date is and if I truly feel that emotional comfort and safety necessary to share my experience with them. I want to know that they’re open to my differences (even if they can’t really see them) and to accommodating me without getting in a huff about it.” – Lila @ Hardcover Haven (POTS, Dysautonomia, Peripheral Neuropathy {Chronic Pain}, Chronic Fatigue, and ADHD)

Choose your dating sites wisely

If you’re partaking in online dating or through apps, you might want to start thinking about the best disabled dating sites. I think whatever your situation, it’s important to choose a suitable dating site for you, as they’re all so different. Using more specific and specialized sites might be a better option as you’ll be more likely to find someone on your wavelength.

Pick an accessible meet-up location

We all know that accessibility can be a huge problem in public places. So choosing an accessible meet-up location for your date is really important so you can actually spend your time focusing on the other person and building that connection, rather than external worries and barriers.

“I think my top tip is honesty from the get go. Be 100% specific in your limits and your needs, and if you find the person your dating struggles to work with it, then move on. The right person will accommodate your needs.” – Alchemy by Amy

Related Read: Disability and the Question of Sex

Tell someone else where you’re meeting

I think this goes for all dates in my personal opinion and is just a common sense element of staying safe when meeting someone for the first time. But always tell someone else where you’re going and what time. Heck, even use the Find My iPhone app thing so they can track you for extra safety!

Start with something fairly casual

Again, something that can definitely relate to all dates but starting with something fairly casual, like coffee or drinks, can be a better starting point than a full day out or a meal. Which requires much more commitment. A more casual affair will give you the chance to built up that relationship and acknowledge whether there’s a spark.

Forget the medias portrayal of disabilities

We’ve seen plenty of movies portraying characters with disabilities. But the truth is, it looks very different in real life. Bodies look different. Limitations are different. So for the sake of your own mental and emotional safety, forget about that idea of the “perfect” date and see where it goes!