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Although I’ve never been overly prude about sex, I’ve definitely kept myself to myself a lot when it comes to the topic of sex. But over the last few years and especially since I’ve been involved in the blogging community, I’ve seen more and more people talk openly and honestly about all elements of sex and sexuality. They’ve made it safe to talk about. Safe to ask questions about. And have done their bit to lessen the taboo of one of the most normal things in the world.

Photo by Womanizer WOW Tech on Unsplash

So before I start this post, I just want to say that whatever your sexual preferences are is okay (providing it’s safe and consensual of course!) There is no judgment here for anyone. Although I’m not going to go into detail here about my own preferences (I don’t really feel like I have the blog for that), I will say that sex has always fascinated me. Ever since I was a kid, really.

I’ve always enjoyed reading erotica (yes, even 50 Shades at the time) and I love watching videos from people like Hannah Witton who shares content around the best clit sucker sex toys and sex toy advent calenders. I’m just SO HERE for people talking about these topics in a normal way. Not making them embarrassing or taboo.

And one element of sex that I think can still be more taboo that others, is BDSM. BDSM stands for “Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism” and is a very broad term. Your mind might automatically glide towards 50 Shades of Grey when you think about BDSM but those within the BDSM community have said that it’s not an accurate representation of what BDSM actually is.

Types of BDSM may include bondage and spanking, roleplay, sub and dom play, which can include women acting as a mistress or pain play. But of course this is a very brief overview. BDSM, when done correctly and safely, can be an incredible experience and even help enhance your relationship. But for beginners or those who are completely new to the concept, it might seem completely overwhelming!

You’re never too old to start a new fantasy or fetish. Many mature couples looking to add a sexual spark to their long-term relationship often turn to some kind of roleplay, this can often reignite a flame of desire between couples. For you guys out there that struggle staying aroused, don’t let this put you off exploring a new sex game with your partner as there are many ways to overcome this in 2020 with popular treatments like tadalafil which can make things easier and have you feeling like you’re in your 20’s again!

And as with most areas of dating, you can even find dedicated sites for those who also enjoy BDSM. Although I’d probably recommend them for those who are more advanced and are looking for a fetish site! One of the most important and key elements of BDSM is safety. So let’s look into how to stay safe for beginners:

How To Stay Safe During BDSM: Tips for Beginners

Establish consent: This goes without saying for any sexual act of course but consent is the absolute most important thing on this list. If both parties are happy and want to do it, then crack on. If not, then more time and communication needs to be had before you embark on any form of BDSM.

Establish a safe word: Once you’ve both established consent, then a safe word needs to be established. This is the thing you probably know and remember from 50 Shades. Any word will do, just make sure both of you are 100% clear on what it is before you start.

Start with light BDSM: BDSM actually doesn’t HAVE to be extreme. Everyone has different preferences and pain thresholds. So perhaps you want to start with light BDSM, to help explore both your fantasies and see what you’re comfortable with. Light spanking, dirty talk or role playing might be a good place to start here!

Get organized: The last thing you want when venturing into BDSM is to find yourself chained to a bed with no clue where the key is. So get your toy and equipment organized beforehand! Make sure you’re familiar with what you’re using, where it is and most importantly, how to use it safely.

Know your limits: BDSM is all about experimentation. And when you’re just starting out, you probably won’t be that familiar with what your personal limits are. Experiment, by all means but know where your lines are and vocalize that clearly to your partner.

Don’t neglect hygiene: Arguably not the most glamorous or sexy part of BDSM but hygiene matters. Whether you’re with a long term partner or not, sex toys should be cleaned after every use to avoid infections and UTI’s.

Make it your own: Your version of BDSM might not look like someone else’s. It might not look like what you’ve seen in a film or read about in a book. But that’s OKAY. It’s an expressive act and we all have different wants, needs and fetishes. So learn to make it your own and enjoy it that way!

What else would you add to this list?

22 Comments

  1. I think it’s fab more people are starting to openly talk about sex, I definitely think books/films like 50 Shades have helped haha. I think each to their own with things like this, we all like different things and it’s great to talk about that with others sometimes! These tips will definitely help anyone wanting to try out BDSM for the first time xx

    Tiffany x http://www.foodandotherloves.co.uk

  2. Interesting topic! I have read erotica myself (not 50 shades, more menage) and certainly am fascinated so others might be too and it’s good there are people discussing these topics instead of being silent.

  3. I can’t really relate to this blog post because I don’t engage in BDSM. Heck, I don’t even watch pornography or engage in role playing online. Some ppl would call me extremely vanilla and traditional, and that’s okay! In no way to do I feel sexually deprived.

    I watched 50 shades with my husband a while ago (he downloaded it for my mom…. yes, my mom!) and we laughed at the movie. It was so overdone. I bet the book is better than the movie – most books are!

      1. Marriage is decent for the most part. I like the stability. Really can’t complain about things now compared to 9 years ago when I was single as a Pringle and dating/sex wasn’t part of my life.

  4. I think everyone has seen, read or heard about 50 Shades so it kind of breaks the taboo in many ways when it comes to staying safe, having words, saying no etc…

  5. I think it’s really important that we are open about Sex. Even now at 12 I don’t shy away from it with my son, in the hope that he will feel comfortable talking to me as he gets older.

    I think we all need to be more open about it because it make us more accepting of other peoples choices.

    Great advice about BDSM, I think 50 shades has glamorised it in a way that the community would not agree with so giving a more levelled view is really important x

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