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My thoughts on marriage

Ever since I was in school, I was adamant that I would never get married. A friend and I were always the ones who would get up on our high horses and be like, “nope, hella no, no way, we independent women”. Of course I’m now more aware of the fact that you can still be an independent woman and be married but heck, that was my naive 15 year-old self talking. But has my mind changed that much? I’m not too sure. 

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Of course at the end of the day, everyone’s thoughts on marriage are totally personal and there’s no right or wrong answer (well, within reason). Marriage doesn’t automatically make one relationship any stronger than another who chose not to marry but are perfectly happy how they are. Some people like the security and the signature on the piece of paper to declare that they’ve made that commitment to each other and others don’t feel that’s a necessity in their relationship. And again, I can’t stress enough these are my own thoughts and if yours differ, that’s fine.

So as I’ve gotten older I can’t say that I’ve had too many thoughts about marriage. I’m 25 years old and I’m certainly not someone who always dreams of getting married, nor am I someone who’s set in stone that they’re never going to tie the knot. I’m kinda hovering somewhere in the middle. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I just want to be in a positive place in my life and within myself before it did because I would never go into a marriage without being 100% certain (which I think is quite a sensible thing to say).

I’m also quite an introverted person. The thought of walking down an aisle in front of hundreds of people, wearing a huge dress and shoes I can’t walk in makes me literally clam up. I get flustered when someone asks me a question, so the thought of being the center of attention for your wedding day is something that really doesn’t sit well with me. I wouldn’t want to be the center of attention; my partner would be just as much in the wedding as I would be so why isn’t the attention more equal?

I also don’t like the idea of how much money you spend on a wedding. I wholeheartedly agree that you don’t need to spend a fortune in order to have a lovely time but weddings seem so extortionate and I couldn’t bare to part with that much money or even worse, have my parents part with that much money, just for one day. It’s not because I’m tight, it’s because firstly, everyone should have a nice time with family and friends regardless of how much money goes into it and secondly, I’d rather save that money and spend it on a holiday or the honeymoon.

So to sum up my fairly, word-vomitty explanation on my thoughts about marriage; personally, it’s not a necessity but I wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea if it felt right to me. I wouldn’t make a big song and dance about the wedding, I’d simply want it to be a nice, fun event for everyone involved.

However, I have done a bit of brainstorming and thought up a few things I would definitely like if I was to have a traditional wedding:

Local: I don’t think I’d get married in a church (although I’m sure that would be lovely) but somewhere like the Hythe Imperial Hotel wedding venue in Kent, would be perfect. It’s modern and fairly local and I think that would be important. It’s also right near the coast, which would be absolutely lovely as I love the sea!

Spring or Autumn: My worst fear would be having a Summer wedding. I hate Summer, I hate the heat, I have the worst hay fever in the world and would not enjoy spending my entire wedding day blowing my nose and sneezing. So early Spring or Autumn would be a lovely time for a wedding; you’ll either have the flowers blooming or the gorgeous oranges and greens of Autumn around you!

Outdoors: I would love a wedding outdoors; I’m much calmer when I’m outside I think and if I went ahead and had a wedding by the coast, there would always be a lovely breeze. Perfect!

Buffet dinner: Wedding food can be do difficult to navigate, especially if you’ve got so many guests. So I’d straight up go for a buffet with plenty of options, so I know there’s something for everyone without worrying. Meat, vegetarian, Vegan, gluten-free – the works!

Short dress: Let’s be real, long dresses look absolutely outrageous on me. So I’d definitely opt for a low-key, short wedding dress which isn’t too fancy, is comfy and doesn’t trip me over, hurrah!

What would you include in your dream wedding? Have you already had your dream wedding? And what are your views on marriage?

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  1. Such an amazing thought. My thought about marriage is kind of same.

  2. I feel ya on this, I never saw marriage as like the ultimate goal. But I’m glad Chris and I got married, I love having that commitment to each other. I HATED being the centre of attention, though, on our wedding day. I wish we’d eloped, but I didn’t want to disappoint my grandparents.

    1. Awh that’s a shame! As long as you had a good day that’s all that maters 🙂 x

  3. I’ve been married for 23 years this Dec! Never did the big white wedding. Did it in a registry office, then we had a traditional Handfasting. I’ve never seen the point of all the fuss for a big wedding. Small & intimate is what we wanted. At the end of the day, it is your special day and I think big weddings seem more for everyone else to enjoy. 🙂

    1. It’s great that you did it your way 🙂 x

  4. I completely get your train of thought. I used to think I wouldn’t get married but I was open to it (If it happens, it happens, if not, it’s all good). After helping my sister through her wedding, as an introvert, I wanted an even smaller wedding or an elopement. I decided on an elopement, which was exactly how my husband wanted it. Win-win! You’ll know what’s right for you and your someday future husband when the time comes. 🙂

    1. That’s great that you found that mutual thing you were both happy with! 🙂

  5. Mummy Cat says:

    I think i have always wanted to be married, i come from a broken home and i just wanted to show that two people could stay together, i am now married and i wish my wedding had gone a little differently, we have plans to renew our vows in the future and will plan it how we want than how others think we want

    1. Awh I hope your renewals are more how you would like them 🙂 xx

  6. Great post! I never imagined myself with a big dress, with hundreds of people watching me walk down an isle in a massive church and then ride off on a horse and carriage lol. I wasn’t that girl who had a dream wedding in mind or thought about what dress she would wear.
    When I knew Ben was the one, even before we got engaged, j knew I just wanted to be married to him, committed on paper and in name. I also knew i likes th idea of exchanging rings but that was it. When we did get engaged I was happy to book the first opening at a register and do it ASAP! But Ben wanted his family there so we had to discuss it and agree. We didn’t have an engagement party (waste of money) and I knew I didn’t want people there just because they’re family but don’t see them ever! My dress was found accidentally…. wait I’m practically writing my own post here lol I’m gona stop lol but I enjoyed your post and I’m loving your blog right now, xxx

    1. Awh thank you and thanks for sharing your story! I’d also not bother with an engagement party either xxx

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