At the very end of 2020, I found out that my non-fiction book, Finding Your Way Back To You, was no longer going to be published. I’d spent a long ass time working on this book, sharing my story and pouring my heart and soul into it in the hope that it might help someone else and be a comfort for someone struggling. I won’t go into details as to why this decision was made but alas, here we are. And today I want to talk about dealing with disappointment.

Dealing With Disappointment

Photo by Ellieelien on Unsplash

I think an important thing to mention before we get into the bulk of this post is the title. “Dealing with disappointment”, as opposed to “avoiding disappointment”. Because disappointment is inevitable. Repeat after me:

Disappointment is inevitable.

And I know this all sounds very doom and gloom but the quicker we acknowledge and accept it, the better. Whether it’s disappointment you’ve experience in your career (like me), a romantic relationship, a friendship that’s gone South, the government (cough cough) or something else, it’s coming. Whether you like it or not honey, it’s coming.

Related read: Finding Your Way Back To You When You Feel Lost

But I’m a pretty optimistic and positive person and I’m ALWAYS one for finding the lessons and the personal growth in hard times. As rubbish as it feels at the time, I always know deep in my heart that I’m going to be okay and I’m going to find my way again.

Just like going a poo, disappointment is a part of life that you just have to do. And dealing with disappointment is vital in how you cope with it and move on from it.

Here are 5 tips to help you when you’re dealing with disappointment:

Dealing With Disappointment

Feel all the feels

I feel like with disappointment, you go through a sort of process. A bit like the grief process. And the first thing you’re going to feel is fucking sad man. Or angry. Or deflated. Those first onslaught of emotions aren’t going to be nice ones but they need to be felt in order for you to move on.

So… when the feelings come up – let them. Don’t hold it in. Even if it means breaking down in the middle of Tesco, just do it. You have to let it out before you can move on. And I truly believe that negative emotions (such as disappointment) can build up in the body. You might even notice yourself feeling more achy or tired during this phase.

Give yourself time to accept the disappointment

After I announced that my book was no longer going to be published, I got a slew of lovely tweets and messages with a lot of them asking what I was going to do now. Am I going to try other publishers? Am I going to consider self publishing? And whilst I obviously appreciate all the comments and suggestions, what I actually did was…

Nothing. Not a thing. In fact, I tried to think about my book as little as possible in January because I felt like I needed a clean slate with it. This was my time to accept that this thing in my life wasn’t going to happen anymore but that’s okay.

Consider the fact that it might not have been your path

This is a point that not everyone will agree with or resonate with BUT if you’re into your woo-woo stuff like me, then you might be like, “HELL YES”. So assuming you’re that sort of person, this might be a really important point for you to consider when dealing with disappointment.

I’m very much a believer in the power of the Universe and a divine path that’s been set out for us. Have you ever supposed to have done something, didn’t then found yourself doing something better? I believe this is the Universe gently guiding you in the right direction.

Make an action plan

Once the feelings are out of the way and you’ve accepted that this thing you tried to do failed or that person you trusted let you down, it’s time to make an action plan. And of course, this will vary extensively depending on the type of disappointment that you’ve faced.

Broken up with a partner who cheated on you despite thinking they were your soul-mate? Perhaps you plan of action could include removing all their stuff from your house, deleting them from social media, joining a dating site or something of that nature.

Remind yourself of everything you’re amazing at

And finally, disappointment can leave us feeling pretty naff about ourselves. We can start to question our abilities or whether we’re worthy. Our self worth and self love can definitely take a beating here. But remind yourself that it’s not your fault and consider making a list to expand on this one.

For my life coaching recently, I was asked to write a list of all my achievements and things I’m good at to prove to myself that I am good at something and I am worthy. This is something I struggle with, so I know how important it can be to have those reminders.

Dealing With Disappointment

Do you have any tips to add to this post? How do you manage when dealing with disappointment?

70 Comments

  1. Hi Jenny,
    I’m so sorry that your book is not going to be published 🙁
    But this is such great advice and for someone who may have high expectations it is such good advice on how to come on top of it with a more positive mindset!

    Love this post!

  2. Thank you for posting this! It’s something that we all need to hear every day. No one’s life is perfect. I really love what you said about not thinking about your book at all in January. Sometimes, it’s important to just get some space from disappointment not to ignore it, but so that you can move past it with a clear head.

  3. This is something I really need to get into my head! I do try and find positives in everything but sometimes I really let it get to me. The first point of disappointment being evitable, that’s something I need to remember. I think it stops me from stepping out of my comfort zone to do things because I’m worried that i’ll just end up being disappointed and i’ll feel rubbish, but that is life, and these things happen. Thanks for this post Jenny xx

  4. I feel like giving yourself time to ‘mourn’ is so important! But then getting yourself out of it and creating an action plan is also the most important second step!

    Katie | katieemmabeauty.com

  5. Again, so sorry and so disappointed with you over your book situation :,( I resonate with so much of what you said here!! Aside from what is obvious for me, as a person of faith, (ie praying & seeking rest in God), I like to clear my mind with exercise–either vigorous or light, whatever feels like it’s going to do the best for my brain, or escaping to a book/tv/film/youtube to get out of my head and into another world. xx

  6. This is great advice. Especially the point about it not being part of your path. Sometimes things happen and we get disappointed because they don’t turn out a certain way but then we realize that that’s a good thing. It’s not always easy to accept the disappointment at first but the after effect is worth it. Honestly, without disappointment, we wouldn’t grow as a person, it’s it’s a necessary part of life.

  7. I love number 3. Some of my biggest disappointments have turned out to be blessings in disguise. It’s hard but sometimes you have to accept that things don’t always work out the way you want them to, but they always work out they way they’re supposed to.

  8. These are great tips. I was so sorry to hear that your book wasn’t going to be published because you’d put so much time and effort into writing it. I’m a firm believer of things happen (or don’t happen) for a reason and that something even better is just around the corner.

  9. Great post…so many good points. Self-care is such a priority when we feel blue about anything! I am sorry about your book. Since your blog is so wonderful, I feel confident in saying that your book was probably a very good book. I agree with you though…sometimes, better things are coming along, and we are meant to be on a different path. Wishing you awesome things on your path…and may you celebrate all the big and little moments! Also, some of the really awesome moments in our lives might seem ‘ordinary’ to someone else. We choose very personal paths in life and only we ourselves know how truly far we have come. 🙂

  10. The way you have titled this piece means a lot to me! I am not a big fan of words like ‘avoiding. Most things we do not like we try to avoid but that usually ends up with a growing dislike toward that feeling and sometimes even emotion as drastic as hate.

    Dealing with something, however, takes courage and builds confidence so I love your tips for dealing with disappointment! I have felt its sharp string too, but I no longer fear it. 🙂

  11. Some great tips here to work through this time. I’m sorry you had the disappointment but you dealt with it very well and there will be more opportunities in the future for you!

  12. I think the point about accepting that it might not have been meant for you is SO hugely important in dealing with disappointment. I am a big believer in ‘If it’s meant for you it won’t pass you by’

    I am so sorry about the book, but I do think it is making way for bigger and better x x

  13. Aww I love this! For a post about disappointment, it feels such an uplifting and positive one. It’s also something no one ever really talks about, so it was great reading something with a fresh perspective.

  14. I was so sorry to read that your book wasn’t going ahead but honestly, Jenny, one of the things I LOVE about you is how you ALWAYS find the positive. It’s so inspiring. And I hope the Universe is guiding you down a better patch, because that book really deserves to see the light of day xx

  15. Awwww I love this post. I often find it quite difficult to get my hopes up after years of disappointment and not knowing how to handle it. This honestly really helped.

  16. Great post and very helpful tips! I have struggled with a relationship in my life and have genuinely gone through these emotions and actions. Helps to feel like you’re not alone with those feelings!

  17. Feeling all your feelings and letting them out is such a must! Makes me feel better every time when I talk to someone. I love this post!! ❤️

  18. Nice post. I think letting your feelings out is a must. I always feel better after I had a long cry about the things that make me sad or even when I am angry. To get out of my dark hole or negative thoughts, I always play music that makes me smile and dance around. That tens to help to lift my mood and start thinking positive again.

  19. Disappointment has been a big part of our lives at the moment, and these are great ways to deal with any disappointments 🙂 thank you for sharing these tips, I think considering that something may just not be your “path” is a great way to think, and can help with job rejections for example. Everything happens for a reason x

  20. Really found this helpful and found myself there plenty of times. Feeling everything and giving yourself time are truly great tips! Most of all what I took from this as you said at the beginning is that disappointment is inevitable, it will happen, so it’s best to learn dealing with t. Making a list of your skills and achievements will be an invaluable lesson. thank you for sharing Jenny x

  21. So sorry to hear about your book. Some great tips, definitely agree with letting yourself feel all the emotions x

  22. I’ve learnt that allowing myself time to wollow helps me move on in a better way. I also love any kind of action plan to make things better next time around!

    Rosie

  23. I agree with everything you’ve said, disappointment is a totally normal part of life and we all feel it sometimes and that’s absolutely okay. Sometimes I try to push my feelings down but that only ends up making me feel worse in the long run so totally agree it’s important to let yourself feel and embrace it! It makes it much easier to try and move on afterwards xx

    Tiffany x http://www.foodandotherloves.co.uk

  24. thank you for this. I recently went through a big disappointment myself and still going through the motions of getting over it. Thanks for the tips, definitely helps! Hope you get another opportunity for your book to be published. cheers!

  25. I really enjoyed reading this post! I’m sorry to hear about your book but I hope another opportunity arises to get it published. You’ve shared some great tips, I completely agree with feeling all of the emotions and hyping yourself back up xx

  26. I generally follow the same as this list. I wallow and let myself be sad but the next morning I wake up with renewed energy to move on.

    Lovely post, Jenny!

  27. I always have to deal with disappointment because I’m a perfectionist and I rarely reach perfection. So thank you for your tips, I will keep them in mind next time I’m in that stae of mind.

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