You’ll know by now that I don’t often write these sort of, word vomit style posts. Most of my posts have a purpose to them (see what I did there?) and an objective. But this topic is something that’s been really playing on my mind a lot lately – especially since I’ve just turned 29. It seems to be all that I think about and it’s actually getting me into quite the funk.

But I can’t imagine I’m alone in how I feel here so I wanted to talk about it. Partially because writing is therapeutic and I’ll probably feel a little better after this and partially because I want anyone else feeling the same way to know that they’re not alone.

When we’re bombarded with social media posts on every platform under the sun about people having babies, getting married, travelling, getting job promotions, finding their purpose or passion or whatever, it’s INCREDIBLY easy to question those things within our own lives. 

Comparison is something I’ve never been able to handle or break the habit of doing. 

Truth is, I’ve always been a bit fickle.

I grew up changing my mind about what I wanted to do with my life every 10 minutes. I tried every hobby, sport and instrument under the sun and never stuck to anything. I never had that ONE thing I was super good at, that people knew me for being good at.

I went into sixth form taking classes I didn’t really want to take just because my friends took them. I didn’t go to University because there was nothing I wanted to do enough that I was prepared to get into debt for.

I then had no idea what career I wanted or what path I wanted to take. Then my anxiety started and those options were taken away from me completely. 

Although my anxiety disorder is no longer present in my life and I’ve built my blog and career from scratch, do I feel like this is my purpose? Writing about self care, personal growth and wellness? No. Not one bit.

That’s not to say I don’t like my career and I’m not proud of what I’ve achieved – I absolutely am.

But this isn’t what I set myself out to do. This isn’t what I planned to do. This isn’t what I see myself doing forever. 

And like I mentioned, I’ve just turned 29. I’m a PROPER ADULT now. So what about children? Is having children and raising children my purpose that I just haven’t realized yet? (Because I do believe that children are some women’s purpose and that’s amazing).

I don’t think so. Would I like kids? Yes. But if I don’t have them I don’t think I’d be devastated. I think I’d be able to continue on with my life quite happily.

Which brings me to the point of this post…

I truly don’t think I have a purpose.

I’ve had small purposes that have been scattered throughout my life.

I worked hard on my GCSE’s for the purpose of getting into sixth form college. I went to therapy and take medication for the purpose of managing my anxiety and mental illness.

And as with everybody, I go through the day doing things for the purpose of something else.

I exercise for the purpose of taking care of my body. I drive somewhere for the purpose of getting from A to B. I eat for the purpose of curbing hunger and fuelling my body.

But in terms of that big, profound purpose that everyone talks about? I think it skipped me.

I’ve taken countless courses on everything from business alignment to manifestation, all of which at some point or another talks about purpose.

And those were always the exercises I found the hardest. I thought about it for so long, usually coming up with some sort of rubbish that didn’t really align with me but I just rolled with it because I thought I needed to. 

I’ve never had that a-ha! moment.

Truth is, I don’t know my purpose. Right now, I don’t feel like I have one.

Perhaps one day it’ll come to me. Crystal clear as water.

But maybe it won’t and that’s something I’ve got to learn to be okay with.

I’m going to wrap it up here because this really is a bit of a word jumble but I hope that if you’re feeling the same way or have had similar thoughts in the past about your purpose (or lack of it) that you know you’re not alone.

Maybe one day you’ll find it, maybe you won’t. But we can all just bumble along together until we do (or don’t). 

And even if you don’t FEEL like you have a purpose, you’re still a human being worthy of love, abundance and good things. You don’t need to be saving the world in order to be worthy.

ily x

64 Comments

  1. Lets get honest. I used to think that EVERYONE needed a purpose or a long term goal. But now, at the ripe age of 29 and about 100000 breakdowns later, I realise that life isn’t about reaching for things. I may not have a purpose or a long term goal anymore but thats okay. I’m enjoying just living life in the moment at the moment (LOL). I’m enjoying slowing down and having more time for the things I love. Do all of them make me money or push me forward in life? No. But that’s fine. My husband is currently learning this hard truth too and while it’s easier said than done, he’s learning that work doesn’t define him. Purpose doesn’t define him. Sending you so much love x

  2. Great post Jenny, so many people can relate. In my 20s I thought I knew what my purpose was, then things happened outside of my control and it turned out I was wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️ now in my mid 30s I have no idea what my profound purpose is, I’ve learnt to be okay with that, after all life isn’t a destination xxx

  3. LOVE THIS!!! There is so much pressure on people to find their purpose and chase their dreams etc. Maybe your purpose is simply to live a healthy and happy life. Living your best life for you shows people that they too can do, and that is pretty fucking powerful!! xoxo

  4. Your purpose is guiding you to right where you are today Jenny! Do the things you love. Do the things that fill your soul from head to heart! I think we think about our “purpose” because of exactly what you said…we compare ourselves to others. Life will show you the way!

  5. I’ve always felt that my big overarching life purpose is music and to be an author but those are quite big ambitions but in the meantime everyone keeps telling me I’m “living the dream” when I’m not at all! I’m just doing what I thought was bearable (but is leaving me feeling like I’m going through the motions and dont have a purpose) in the meantime until i *hopefully* one day get there.

    I definitely agree that a lot of courses/manifestation completely gloss over that not everyone (and I would say quite a lot of people) don’t know their purpose.

    Ash | thisdreamsalive.com

  6. I think it is good in life to have many passions. You can add things as you go, and sometimes, you replace something old with something new. The important thing is to stay open to new experiences and to understand that your needs change with time. You need not be an excellent dancer in order to dance. You need not be a master gardener to enjoy a flower bed. The more things you love and the more time you spend doing those things, the happier life seems to be.

  7. Such a good post! I feel like social media doesn’t help this, loads of people who know exactly what they want to do going on about achieving their goals. Ever since I decided to just work on being happy and healthy each day without comparing myself I feel much better.

  8. I can relate to this post so much! I turned 28 this year and the older I get the more I wish that my life purpose will hit me and I’ll have that “a-ha! moment”. I’ve tried many hobbies and jobs and every time I do I get this sinking that this isn’t my purpose and move on to the next thing in hopes that my life purpose lies elsewhere.

    I put pressure on myself to find a deeper meaning in my life because others always question me what I’m doing with my life/what I’m going to do. I’ve always felt somewhat embarrassed when I respond with, I still haven’t found “it” yet. Comparison sucks and I always compare what my friends and siblings are doing and doubt my path in life. What if, I went to college, or stuck with that friend group, or stayed at the job…

    I’ve read some of the comments and It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. ♥

    http://www.mooeyandfriends.com

  9. Jenny, I love this so much! (And relate to it painfully!) I don’t feel like I have any kind of purpose, other than to try to be happy – the rest of it seems like a lot of capitalist diatribe. I certainly don’t think everyone’s life purpose is to have a job! If people have a calling, that’s fab – but I’m not one of them! x

    1. Thank you, I totally agree and am especially pondering your comment about capitalist diatribe. Especially people like coaches who claim to be able to help people find their purpose – is it just about money grabbing scheme?

  10. Very relatable & well written post.

    I felt like this up until my early 30’s, when I finally sorted my life out.

    Job-wise, I’ve only just realised I’ve stressed myself out for years & my thinking changed because of an impending redundancy.

    I think everyone has their time and you will have yours. From what I read, your blog is amazing and maybe this will lead to something else. Maybe it won’t. Who knows?

    I’m sure everyone is taking it one day at a time and I don’t regret a single move I’ve made over the years, even if I think differently about my experience now.

  11. I know where you’re coming from, and I feel like it’s okay not to have a purpose. I’m in my early 40s, 2 kids and still don’t feel like I have a purpose, and probably never did. I spent my 20s job hoping, and am currently in a job I hate, but stick with because I studied for it and still owe money on my degree for it. Truth be told, I did it on a whim. I feel like it’s okay not to have a purpose, it’s a lot of pressure to put on ourselves, and I really do wonder sometimes if all the people who are so passionate about something, are really passionate about it deep down, or they just force themselves to because maybe they feel they need to have a passion as well. Lisa @lovefromlisa.com

    1. It’s definitely something to think about isn’t it. I mean I’m sure there are PLENTY of people who really do love what they do and feel it is their purpose but I’m sure there’s others who feel like they need to do it in order to be seen to have a purpose, if that makes sense?

  12. For me, life’s purpose is just to live it — and that’s all any of us should focus on. For some that means doing / having / experiencing certain things but I don’t think there should be a neat proforma we’re pushed to fit into. The great thing is that what sustains us and fulfills us shifts and changes many times in our life (I’ve gone through a few in my 20s, 30s and even the first few years of my 40s). I really appreciate your honesty here as it’s so common to have purpose and productivity thrown at us — and this doesn’t always fit where we’re at in life. Thanks so much for sharing!

  13. This is such a comforting post! I still don’t know my true purpose and that’s alright because everyone is still learning about themselves! Great post!

  14. Jenny, I have to tell you that I still don’t know what my purpose is either. I never had a light bulb moment, I just fell into jobs, relationships and let events take their course. I couldn’t agree more that it really doesn’t matter. Some people have a calling and that’s great. Others (like me) don’t but that doesn’t mean we can’t add value or contribute in other ways. Thank you for articulating this so brilliantly! xx

    1. I agree! It’s still something I struggle with coming to terms with for myself – potentially not having that calling or purpose or whatever but it’s definitely not something that should put you off living your life the best way you can!

  15. This is such a refreshing post and is completely relatable to me. Society thinks you should have your life completely mapped out by thirty but it just doesn’t work that way.

  16. This resonated a lot with me, just recently I have been trying to find my purpose and to no avail. There is stuff I do and stuff I have to do and stuff I love doing but I haven’t yet found my purpose. If you found your purpose, would it keep changing anyway? We have experienced a lot of change and people feel in limbo with no purpose in sight. Its like finding that one thing that you are good at, I still don’t know, I’ve dabbled in stuff here and there but couldn’t find something in particular. Everything happens (or doesn’t) for a reason and we are all just going with the flow and doing what we enjoy in the process.

  17. Yup can definitely agree with this post Jenny.

    Sometimes I wonder if my life is ever going to change bc atm it’s utterly shit but I guess nothing changes if nothing changes! 😕

    I don’t know what my purpose is but I think that’s ok? I’m just here to enjoy life, travel & drink good wine? 😂😂

    You are definitely not alone though. 💛💛

    Sarah xoxo.

    1. Ah I’m sorry to hear that Sarah, please try and focus on the small positives and make small changes here and there. You’re right, nothing changes if nothing changes but you have the power to change something – even something small!

  18. This was such a refreshing and honest post to read!! Finding a purpose is something we’re told that we need to do and makes us feel complete but it’s okay if you haven’t found that, it’s okay if you never find that – as long as you’re happy. I feel you with the comparison thing though!

  19. Often, what we see on social media are only the highlight reels. And when we compare our lives to all of the highlight reels of everyone else’s lives, it doesn’t make us feel good about ourselves. Comparison is the thief of joy.

    As for having a purpose, I believe that finding a purpose is a life-long journey, and that our interests will likely change over time. Even though you say that you don’t have a purpose, I want you to know that you inspire me and I look up to you. Making a career out of blogging seems like a dream to me and I find what you do very admirable.

    1. I agree, the comparison to people online and the “highlight reel” argument is something I’ve focused on a lot lately and am trying to change my attitude towards.

      And thank you so much, that really means the world. Although this might not be my purpose, I’m obviously thrilled that it’s done some good xxx

  20. I’m turning 29 in January and feel where you’re coming from 100%. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had a ton of interests but nothing that ever stuck like glue.

    My family members and husband all seem to have things in their life that they love – they’re ambitious or creatively minded which is amazing.

    One thing that I think I’m coming to terms with is that all I really want in life is contentment. I’m quite happy enjoying each day as it comes – doing a job that I enjoy but don’t love in order to experience happiness in other places in my life.

    I will likely never have a huge house or run a billion pound business but I can be happy as me and that’s all I really want 🙂

    1. I’m inclined to agree with you. Contentment hasn’t been a particularly solid part of my life for the best part of 10 years so for me, it’s something that I crave on a consistent basis. Purpose or not!

  21. This was such a refreshing post to read! I often find so much pressure from others to ‘find my purpose in life’ and I truly don’t know what that is. I was in the same position as you through school, in that there was never that one thing that I wanted to do as a career. Thank you for posting x

  22. Do you know what? It’s actually really refreshing to read this today. I have felt purpose, I try to make purpose in every day but sometimes I’m doing something to tick a box or to go through the motions. It’s so lovely to read a brutally honest and candid post from your heart.
    For me, your purpose is hit, you’re a great friend, a source of enterainment and inspirations!

    Rosie

    https://www.loverosiee.co.uk

  23. I love this honest post, and can absolutely relate to it to. I think I’ve shifted my thoughts recently into realising that while I may not have a massively significant purpose, what I’m doing right now is my purpose. Really well written post, well done!

  24. This is so beautifully written and I think many people, including myself will relate to this! It’s 100% okay to feel like this and I think everyone at least once in their life will feel the same. Thank you so much for sharing this lovely Xo

    Elle – ellegracedeveson.com

  25. I can totally relate with this post. There are times when life gets to me and I start to think why I was born, what truly am I doing in this world, what is my purpose? I’m not so sure. So many people are born with talents and they already have a clear goal in mind.
    So far so good, I’ve learnt to take each day at a time. I try to find fulfillment by accomplishing little task daily and read books.

  26. I really appreciate the honesty of this! Posts like these are why I started blogging. I actually wrote a post on finding purpose a few weeks ago and now I want to write a follow-up one, because you’re absolutely right – there’s a pressure to “find a purpose” and not having one doesn’t make us any less worthy or interesting.

    Life can be the most confusing and frustrating experience, especially when we see everyone else’s experiences filtered through the lens of social media or movies, books and TV. It can feel like everyone else has it sorted. We love to read stories where there’s a defined beginning, middle and end – a story arc where the main character has to face obstacles and overcome them in order to go on to their happily-ever-after ending where they find their life’s purpose.

    What we *don’t* get to see as often are relatable experiences like this, where someone is just living their life day by day and their “story arc” is actually a huge tapestry of different goals, struggles and things-that-just-happen. Life is a lot more complicated and random than we like to think and picking out one clear pathway or purpose is really difficult when we’re surrounded by thousands of options. I’m 10 years older than you and I’m only just now figuring out what matters most to me in life – and I’m comfortable knowing that purpose changes over time and doesn’t have to stay the same through our whole lives. In another 10 years I’ll have different priorities, and that’s OK 🙂

    Thank you for sharing this! ❤️

  27. Very interesting post Jenny. I believe there are few absolutes in life, and while some people may feel a sense of great purpose, others may not. Like you say, that’s fine. We continually have the opportunity to grow and evolve so it stands to reason that we would do and feel different things during different periods of our lives. For me, an important thing is to be able to do what I’m doing right now with a sense of purpose, as you highlight in your examples. We don’t need to fit neatly into one specific box, and that adaptability should be embraced as part of the intriguing journey of our lives 🙂 To me, our purpose is to become our fullest selves and that is a lifelong task with many twists and turns.

  28. I really relate to what you’ve said here- and it definitely is okay! As someone in their early 20s I think it’s the question on everyone’s lips- what do you “do”- but I think we should be more accepting of the fact that not everyone knows what they want to do- and there doesn’t need to be this big purpose or reason to do what we do. Some people are just happy taking it day by day and enjoying what they’re doing at the moment! That’s my thoughts anyway 🙂 great post as always Jenny x

    1. Yes, totally agree! I think things like job shaming come into this quite a bit because if you’re in your 20’s or 30’s and someone asks what you do, there’s always that sense of wonder whether what you say will be deemed “enough” by the other person.

  29. This is a very astute post. I can barely remember 29 (!) but even from the standpoint of my advanced age I think you’re spot on. For the last 20+ years, my purpose has been to help raise my children and turn them into happy and, hopefully, successful adults. Now that they are, what is my purpose? I don’t know. All these blogs and articles that talk about purpose have a degree of falsity because, as you recognise, your purpose changes to take account of the changes in your life.
    As one of my favourite songs, Sunscreen, puts it; ‘Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your Life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.’
    Just do what makes you feel comfortable and fulfilled at the time. Me? I am still looking for a replacement for my purpose of the last 20 years but I’ll keep you posted!

    1. Love this and I love how you’ve recognised that now that you’re children are happy adults that your purpose has changed because your previous purposes has been fulfilled. I think that’s also something we don’t talk about enough, what to do when we’ve fulfilled our purpose (if we feel like we have one).

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