First Time Dad’s: What They Wish They Knew

AD // At the ripe old age of 29 now, kids are well and truly on my mind. For myself, I’m pretty sure I want children but I think the more open dialogue women are having now, like in this post from In the Frow about having a child-free future is incredibly helpful in allowing women (and couples) to decide whether they TRULY want kids for themselves, not just for societal norms.

And there’s absolutely no doubt that there’s some serious baby fever going around right now, so it’s not surprising that babies are on everyone’s minds! But dialogue around all aspects of parenting, without the judgment definitely needs to improve. When the time comes, it’s something I want to get right.

I follow a lot of bloggers, influencers and YouTuber’s, most of them women, who are pregnant or have children. So a lot of information, stories and anecdotes I hear are from that perspective. I rarely see a male influencers share the trials and tribulations, highs and lows of not just being a Dad but the pregnancy journey as well.

I’m really thrilled to be teaming up with DaddiLife for this collaboration today. DaddiLife are a dedicated safe place where dads can learn, grow and celebrate the life that is dad. They provide informative articles, media and a supportive community where Dad’s can come together. They’ve also just released their very first full book.

You’re Going To Be a Dad! The New Dad’s Guide To Pregnancy & the First Year of Fatherhood

Buy the book on Amazon UK here!

You’re Going To Be a Dad is a new Dad’s guide to pregnancy and the first year of childhood. This book is far more than just tiresome professionals textbook reading the do’s and don’ts of parenthood. This book contains real advice from real Dad’s and NO question is a silly question! DaddiLife have interviewed over 50 new Dad’s and Dads to be from around the world!

You’re Going To Be a Dad does however go into a more scientific – but readable – approach to things like pregnancy and the trimesters. It gives Dad’s the complete run-down on what’s going on with Mum and baby during the *roughly* 40 weeks of pregnancy, in a handy month by month breakdown.

The amount of information this book covers really is incredible and I know I would 100% want my partner to read this if/when I get pregnant. Because even as a Woman, we often can’t explain all the stuff that’s happening in our bodies.

Another element of this book that I love as well is the fact that it regularly checks in with you – the Dad. Although a large chunk is talking about what’s going on biologically with Mum and baby, the guide will gently check in with you throughout, ask how you’re doing in terms of emotions and give some kind encouragement that you’re doing just fine and everything is okay. They also covered important reflections for dads to be in a post covid world and what they’d do differently in any future restriction which will hopefully put many a new dad to be at ease.

This isn’t a tough-love kinda guide; it’s gentle and warm and made me chuckle in parts. I love the regular “Reflections From Our Dad’s” quotes that are scattered throughout of men all around the UK sharing quotes, advice and their struggles on different stages of pregnancy. 

“I thought of the 9 months as a way to psychologically get myself into that place”. – Cole F. North, Carolina, US

“I didn’t believe pregnancy hormones were a big deal at first. Then my partner who never overreacts or gets overly emotional, starts crying after a minor little dispute on price whilst shopping. I was surprised, followed her out to help – she physically couldn’t stop crying! But an hour later we were laughing about it”. – Emmanuel V. Texas, US

“Not going to lie, those pregnancy pillows are really comfortable. My girlfriend uses it at night, but it’s perfect for chilling on the couch!” Emmanuel V. Texas, US

I spoke to some Dads online and asked them which pieces of advice they wish they knew before they had kids, here are some of the answers I got:

The Northern Dad: “When we had our first child, I wish, as a dad, I knew more about how and what I should expect regarding emotions and what do expect going forward. As a dad there is very little support for us during the pregnancy and after.

My advice for new dads or upcoming dads would be to join Dad Groups, speak to other dads and really communicate about how you feel. There’s many dads out their willing to offer and give support.”

Nutmegger Daily: “I was shocked to find out that people view babies as invitations. It started while my partner was pregnant and lasted until my daughter was walking. Relative or total strangers feeling entitled to touch my wife’s belly, pat my daughter’s head, and give me advice on parenting (most of which was garbage).

I wish I had known the way our personal space was going to be invaded. And people walking their dogs were the worst. Of course my month old daughter doesn’t want your mutt’s snout in her face. Why would you let the dog do that?”

Life With Jupiter & Dann: “The piece of advice that I wish I knew before I had kids was that every child is vastly different. I’ve had three children; they were incredibly different as babies, and they’re very different as they’ve aged too.

When people – be that professionals or friends – start offering advice there’s a danger that most of it won’t apply… don’t start ignoring it though, keep seeking out more advice and help.” 

The Doubting Thomas: “What I wish I knew before I had kids was that for so much of it I’m going to feel a bit useless but that’s OK! During pregnancy there’s not much you can physically do but emotional support is key.

When your baby is newborn and developing they will more often than not want their Mum and sometimes I took that too personally, but Dads need to understand the importance of their own role and not get too hung on the fact they won’t necessarily be their kids favourite straight away!”

A Blokes Eye View: “So I’m a dad of two and there’s a 10 year gap between them, the advise I would of given my self would of been that I should not of expected my second child to be as plain sailing as our 1st My daughter was diagnosed with autism earlier this year but we knew from early that she was struggling with a lot of aspects growing up. She definitely keeps us on our toes.”

Emmett Naughton: “As a dad of 3 under 5, there will be times where I feel like I got nothing done. It gets stressful, but that bed time hug and the soft “I love you dad, goodnight.” Makes it all worth it.”

I loved checking out this book and speaking to these guys about parenthood, pregnancy and advice they wish they knew. I think You’re Going To Be a Dad is an amazing resource for new Dad’s, that gently guides them into the world of pregnancy, hormones, female bodies and birth in a way that’s easy to understand and interesting. This is definitely a book the world needs!

If you’re a new Dad or Dad to be, what advice do you wish you had? If you’re a Mum, which advice do you wish your partner had when you were pregnant? Let’s chat in the comments!