How To Define Success on Your Own Terms

AD – This post on how to define success on your own terms is a paid advertorial with Femme Luxe but all thoughts are my own

I know this is a topic that a lot of people talk about but I think there’s a good reason for that. In the rise of internet culture, with everyone sharing everything online, the definition of success has definitely changed in a lot of people’s minds. Rightly or wrongly so, that’s for you to decide. But as an “online person”, I definitely don’t look at success the same way I did at 15.

There are of course things we can do to help us FEEL more successful, perhaps on days where we’re feeling a bit down and low about our achievements. And trust me, there WILL BE days like that. One of those things – at least for me – is dressing the part. If I dress like I’m successful, I often start to feel successful. It’s a magical mind trick we should all start doing. Here are some bits I picked up from Femme Luxe that have helped me embrace that feeling of success.

The first piece I picked out was the Black Thick Strap Square Neck Split Flare Leg Bodycon Jumpsuit. I really liked this jumpsuit because it’s so plain that it can be dressed up with almost anything; from blazers, different coloured shoes, bags, accessories and more. Obviously this is supposed to be quite a tight fit and it was a *little* snug on me but if I lose a little weight (which I’m hoping to do) then this should fit perfect and be a great going out outfit that looks smart and classy!

The second piece I picked was the Cream Oversized Long Sleeve Lapel Button Detail Blazer. Now I am a sucker for a blazer. Blazers look SO cool and smart but can be dressed up or down and are so versatile. I loved the colour of this one with the gold buttons. It was a little tight around the upper arms (I find a lot of brands don’t tend to up the size of the arms very much with the size of the garment, which is annoying) but again, hopefully in a years time this will fit perfectly. Other than than, I love it!

I also found that these two go together really well. Think work Christmas party or a fancy dinner out for an anniversary and you’ve got a pretty great outfit here with these two pieces alone. Again, they can be dressed up more or down more and styled with different coloured shoes and bags to really make the outfit pop! It makes a nice change from your black dresses and white dresses too.

How to define success on your own terms continued…

But back to the point. Success means different things to everybody. And I think everybody is within their right to curate their own version of what success looks like to THEM. That might be money, business, family, children, travel – or something else entirely. It’s all valid.

But I also think the internet has done a really damn good job of reminding us what success ISN’T. With hustle culture rife at the moment (who else remembers those “use the pandemic to start a business!” people when most of us were just trying to get through the day without having a meltdown?), this is a really important thing.

The internet has reminded us that we don’t need to work 24/7. We don’t need to burn ourselves out. Days off are okay and slow living is a way of life. Whether you enjoy that lifestyle or not, doesn’t really matter. The point is that there are a lot of different ways to be successful. Owning 4 cars, a mansion, a boat and a helicopter is just one of those ways. 

Of course learning how to define success on your own terms isn’t easy and there’s a lot that gets in our way – mostly mentally – for that to happen. But here are a few things to get you started!

Stop comparing yourself to others

This is the most obvious point here but really, not comparing yourself to others solves a LOT of internal problems. It’s also one of the hardest things to do – especially online. A good first step is just to notice when you’re comparing yourself to others. Notice when you’re doing it, so you can nip it in the bud before it spirals out of control.

But if you DO compare yourself, think about the why 

This is something I learned last year in life coaching and it’s blew my mind ever since. At the end of the day, we will compare ourselves to others every now and again. It’s normal. But it’s important to recognise why and whether it’s actually any benefit to you – or if you’re just SO conditioned to do it, that you compare yourself to anyone.

For example, in terms of success, I always compared myself to someone I know who is studying law, had amazing results and is training to be a lawyer. She’s brilliantly clever and has had a few great jobs to help with her training. I always looked at her life and turned into the green eyed monster.

My life coach asked me to explain to her why I was jealous and constantly comparing myself to this person. She made me question whether I wanted to be a lawyer, go to Uni to study law or train to be a solicitor. I said no. Then why am I jealous? I honestly had no idea. Learning to accept other people’s successes is a huge step on this path, too!

Let go of societal structures and timelines 

This is a big one and something I’ve always struggled with in terms of my age and where I am in life in comparison to my peers. Again, it all ties in to that big old comparison factor. Timelines are an illusion. In fact, I repeat that positive affirmation to myself every single morning to remind myself of the fact.

Change the way you speak to yourself about your achievements

A simple thing you can do is just be more wary of how you speak to yourself. When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else and down-playing your own success and achievements, say to yourself, “I recognise this person’s success and it’s amazing. But I also recognise my own – and they are amazing too”.

Know what you want

Similarly to the point with the lawyer related example, knowing what you REALLY want (what you really really want, so tell me what you want what you really really want) can help TENFOLD is allowing you to learn how to define success on your own terms.

Think of how far you’ve come and what obstacles you’ve overcome

And finally, remembering where you came from and how much you’ve overcome to get to where you are is so important. You might not feel 100% successful yet. You might not have achieved EVERYTHING you wanted to yet but that’s okay because you and life itself is a constant work in progress.

This is your reminder today to make a list of all your achievements. They can be as big or as small as you like but I want you to write at LEAST 10. And I know you have 10 in you.

How do you define success? Have you learned how to define success on your own terms yet?

Liked this post? You might also enjoy:

• 8 Ways To Feel Like the Boss of Your Own Life
• 6 Easy Ways To Express Gratitude
• Maybe I Don’t Have A Purpose… (& maybe that’s okay)