AD – This post on how to define success on your own terms is a paid advertorial with Femme Luxe but all thoughts are my own
I know this is a topic that a lot of people talk about but I think there’s a good reason for that. In the rise of internet culture, with everyone sharing everything online, the definition of success has definitely changed in a lot of people’s minds. Rightly or wrongly so, that’s for you to decide. But as an “online person”, I definitely don’t look at success the same way I did at 15.
There are of course things we can do to help us FEEL more successful, perhaps on days where we’re feeling a bit down and low about our achievements. And trust me, there WILL BE days like that. One of those things – at least for me – is dressing the part. If I dress like I’m successful, I often start to feel successful. It’s a magical mind trick we should all start doing. Here are some bits I picked up from Femme Luxe that have helped me embrace that feeling of success.
The first piece I picked out was the Black Thick Strap Square Neck Split Flare Leg Bodycon Jumpsuit. I really liked this jumpsuit because it’s so plain that it can be dressed up with almost anything; from blazers, different coloured shoes, bags, accessories and more. Obviously this is supposed to be quite a tight fit and it was a *little* snug on me but if I lose a little weight (which I’m hoping to do) then this should fit perfect and be a great going out outfit that looks smart and classy!
The second piece I picked was the Cream Oversized Long Sleeve Lapel Button Detail Blazer. Now I am a sucker for a blazer. Blazers look SO cool and smart but can be dressed up or down and are so versatile. I loved the colour of this one with the gold buttons. It was a little tight around the upper arms (I find a lot of brands don’t tend to up the size of the arms very much with the size of the garment, which is annoying) but again, hopefully in a years time this will fit perfectly. Other than than, I love it!
I also found that these two go together really well. Think work Christmas party or a fancy dinner out for an anniversary and you’ve got a pretty great outfit here with these two pieces alone. Again, they can be dressed up more or down more and styled with different coloured shoes and bags to really make the outfit pop! It makes a nice change from your black dresses and white dresses too.
How to define success on your own terms continued…
But back to the point. Success means different things to everybody. And I think everybody is within their right to curate their own version of what success looks like to THEM. That might be money, business, family, children, travel – or something else entirely. It’s all valid.
But I also think the internet has done a really damn good job of reminding us what success ISN’T. With hustle culture rife at the moment (who else remembers those “use the pandemic to start a business!” people when most of us were just trying to get through the day without having a meltdown?), this is a really important thing.
The internet has reminded us that we don’t need to work 24/7. We don’t need to burn ourselves out. Days off are okay and slow living is a way of life. Whether you enjoy that lifestyle or not, doesn’t really matter. The point is that there are a lot of different ways to be successful. Owning 4 cars, a mansion, a boat and a helicopter is just one of those ways.
Of course learning how to define success on your own terms isn’t easy and there’s a lot that gets in our way – mostly mentally – for that to happen. But here are a few things to get you started!
Stop comparing yourself to others
This is the most obvious point here but really, not comparing yourself to others solves a LOT of internal problems. It’s also one of the hardest things to do – especially online. A good first step is just to notice when you’re comparing yourself to others. Notice when you’re doing it, so you can nip it in the bud before it spirals out of control.
But if you DO compare yourself, think about the why
This is something I learned last year in life coaching and it’s blew my mind ever since. At the end of the day, we will compare ourselves to others every now and again. It’s normal. But it’s important to recognise why and whether it’s actually any benefit to you – or if you’re just SO conditioned to do it, that you compare yourself to anyone.
For example, in terms of success, I always compared myself to someone I know who is studying law, had amazing results and is training to be a lawyer. She’s brilliantly clever and has had a few great jobs to help with her training. I always looked at her life and turned into the green eyed monster.
My life coach asked me to explain to her why I was jealous and constantly comparing myself to this person. She made me question whether I wanted to be a lawyer, go to Uni to study law or train to be a solicitor. I said no. Then why am I jealous? I honestly had no idea. Learning to accept other people’s successes is a huge step on this path, too!
Let go of societal structures and timelines
This is a big one and something I’ve always struggled with in terms of my age and where I am in life in comparison to my peers. Again, it all ties in to that big old comparison factor. Timelines are an illusion. In fact, I repeat that positive affirmation to myself every single morning to remind myself of the fact.
Change the way you speak to yourself about your achievements
A simple thing you can do is just be more wary of how you speak to yourself. When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else and down-playing your own success and achievements, say to yourself, “I recognise this person’s success and it’s amazing. But I also recognise my own – and they are amazing too”.
Know what you want
Similarly to the point with the lawyer related example, knowing what you REALLY want (what you really really want, so tell me what you want what you really really want) can help TENFOLD is allowing you to learn how to define success on your own terms.
Think of how far you’ve come and what obstacles you’ve overcome
And finally, remembering where you came from and how much you’ve overcome to get to where you are is so important. You might not feel 100% successful yet. You might not have achieved EVERYTHING you wanted to yet but that’s okay because you and life itself is a constant work in progress.
This is your reminder today to make a list of all your achievements. They can be as big or as small as you like but I want you to write at LEAST 10. And I know you have 10 in you.
How do you define success? Have you learned how to define success on your own terms yet?
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I love this post! I’m always comparing myself to others and it makes me so frustrated. Especially when it comes to blogging! I need to just chill out and enjoy what I have because I am at my goals. Rather than being happy I just want to make more goals haha.
Haha oh I feel that. I’ve sacrificed feeling happy for what I have achieved rather than just powering through to the next thing before x
OMG the jumpsuit looks so fab on you! You are a stunner, babe! You are spot on! Success is so personal to each person and what can seem successful to you might not be to others. Thanks for sharing, Jenny! x
Lynn | https://www.lynnmumbingmejia.com
Thanks so much lovely, I totally agree!
It is liberating to ignore the standard one-size-fits all approach and live from a place of truth and knowing.
The jumpsuit is a beautiful pick! Have a great day!
It really is! Thank you 🙂 x
Outstanding post to build confidence in my own success, and to separate my success with others. A great reminder to let go of societal norms. I love the classy outfit!
Thank you 🙂 societal norms can get in the bin!
Love the clothes. The Jumpsuit looks nice on you. I wish I could wear them but don’t really have the body type for it. Love the blazer & it’s something I would purchase.
Thanks for sharing the points about success. I used to compare myself to others a lot. In the blogging world, it’s refreshing to see everyone adding their own unique stamp to writing and supporting one another. It’s really helped me break the habit!
I agree it’s really nice to see everyone supporting each other and their uniqueness!
From the photo on Femme Luxe’s site, I would not go for the bodysuit but it looks absolutely beautiful on you and I love the cut! With the white blazer, it looks even classier and versatile.
I love that you share what defining success means to you, as well as advice on why it is important for people not to allow themselves to become stuck in a definition that is not for them.
Thanks for sharing! <3
Thank you 🙂 There’s nothing worst than working towards a definition of success that means absolutely nothing to you!
I think comparing yourself to others is most important. It can be so hard, but it’s unhealthy.
It’s such a hard habit to break but so important that we try!
It’s so great to see that more and more people are understanding that success (and how we view it) is so much more than what society wants us to believe (sticking constantly to the idea of being productive). There are so many layers to success and it’s so encouraging to see them being pulled back! Thanks for sharing your take on it!
Yes absolutely! Success has never been and will never be a one size fits all!
Great post! Happiness and success are very personal things; what works for one person does not work for another. Being true to yourself and living your own dreams is what really matters in life.
Absolutely right, Linda. Although happiness should always be a goal, we can’t judge others on what makes them get there and their successes along the way!
A huge YES to this! I find it so hard sometimes because of comparing to others and timelines, but as you said, we are all at different times and different paths and there is no clock ticking to know when you need or not to have achieved something. Dressing up can make such a huge difference! I love the jumpsuit on you and really need to invest on a blazer! x
I totally agree. Timelines are something I’ve struggled with quite a lot – especially since just turning 29!
Loved this post Jenny, it’s so important to not compare yourself to others, but that’s easier said than done sometimes! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
Thank you 🙂 Definitely easier said than done!
Yes to this post, I love it so much! I really like your point about learning to accept other people’s successes x
Thank you 🙂 x
This is such a wonderful post! Like you, I find dressing the part really helps me feel more successful, and when I feel more successful I take actions that help me be more successful. Thanks for sharing all these great tips! And I love the jumpsuit!!
Thank you 🙂 I definitely feel more successful in a blazer and trousers than I do in my pjs haha!
Good post! Yessssss!!!!!!! These are good ways to measure our own success. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you 🙂 x
YESS to this! It’s taken me a long time to understand my own terms, why they’re important and how ohers should understand them. Now that I’m there, it’s incredible to see the reception I gt. I have my boundaries and my goals and when I come into contact with someone wh appreciates them, we fly!
That’s amazing to hear Rosie! x
This jumpsuit is so beautiful! Defining success is definitely something I have a trouble with. I used to define it by how much success other people that I look up to have and compare myself to them. Now I know better, although I’m still trying to figure it out.
Antonia || Sweet Passions
YES to this girl! I struggle with defining my own success but it’s something I’m working on. Thank you so much for sharing this lovely. Love the jumpsuit btw, looks gorgeous on you! Xo
Elle – ellegracedeveson.com
Thank you 🙂 xxx
Thank you 🙂 It’s an awful way to define success isn’t it? It’s a long, work in progress but you’ll get there!