If you were to compare me with any character on TV, it’d probably be a cross between Monica Gellar (from F.r.i.e.n.d.s) and Bree Van Der Kamp (from Desperate Housewives). If I was a mother (which I’m not and not planning to be anytime soon), I would be that mum who’s the head of the PTA, hosts bake sales, play dates among other events, has a job, a house, hobbies and thinks it’s also a good idea to buy an allotment. I’m not but in my vision for my future, that’s who I imagine myself to be. So what does that say about where I’m at now?

First of all, I just want to say that I deeply admire women. I admire how much we can cope with and how much we do on a daily basis. Mother’s, career-women, carers, students – whoever you are, you rock. But what I wanted to talk about today is my deep-set need to always be the “go girl“. To put it in perspective… I’m writing this post on November 12th. November. 12th. To be published in January. I am that far ahead with blog posts and whilst yes, it makes things much less stressful when January rolls around and I already have content for the month ready to go, is it strictly necessary? Not really. Does it make me better than anyone else? Nope. Is it healthy behavior? Hmmm, it can be. But in my case, I’m not sure it is. 

I’m always on, on, on. To the point where I don’t give myself time to relax. And when I do, I’m not relaxing properly because I’m thinking about my next “on” task or my to-do list for the following day. I get days, like everyone, where I can’t bring myself to do anything, yes. This is usually down to my mental health and if I’m having a particularly rough mental health day the thought of even brushing my teeth is too much. But on average, I’m pretty much on it all the time. If I’m not writing blog posts, I’m thinking of post ideas. If I’m not doing that, I’m focusing on my book tour business. If I’m not doing that, I’m sorting out my room, making cakes which I don’t need to make (not for the pleasure of making them, just for the sake of feeling and looking productive to others) or brain-storming projects.

My attitude isn’t strictly healthy and my incessant need to make the outside world look at me and think “wow, she’s always on it. She’s so organised” certainly isn’t. As someone who preaches self care until she’s blue in the face, I certainly need to start practicing what I preach. I need to understand and realise that relaxing is good. Down-time is good. Not thinking about work or blogging or “tasks” or to-do lists is good. And not being productive every once in a while isn’t something to be ashamed about. When I grow up (haha, I’m 25, who am I kidding), I want to be that mum that people look at and think “wow, she’s really got it together. I don’t know how she does it“. But I also need to learn to be that person that knows when enough is enough and that they don’t need to hold the entire world on their shoulders in order to be seen as a role-model, an organised individual or a go-girl.

Have you ever experienced thoughts like this? What do you do to truly relax and un-wind? Do you have any advice for me? Let’s discuss!

126 Comments

  1. […] I’m really surprised that this one is so high up because it was basically just a load of word vomit haha! It was definitely one of my more un-planned posts and a bit of a ramble because I needed to get it off my chest but I’ve noticed during my time blogging that sometimes, those posts do the best because they’re so authentic. A year ago, one of my best posts was one I whacked out in Sainsbury’s car park! You can find this post here. […]

    1. Thank you – I know what you mean but I know for a fact that I’m not doing a lot of these things for the right reasons. But it has improved since I posted this! It’s a long process 😌

  2. I hope you’re learning to wind down babes! You sound like you’re so stressed and I don’t want a babe ass babe like yourself to burn out xx Sending you lot’s of love and positive vibes, maybe try having baths with a nice book (food or thought?) xxx

  3. […] I’m really surprised that this one is so high up because it was basically just a load of word vomit haha! It was definitely one of my more un-planned posts and a bit of a ramble because I needed to get it off my chest but I’ve noticed during my time blogging that sometimes, those posts do the best because they’re so authentic. A year ago, one of my best posts was one I whacked out in Sainsbury’s car park! You can find this post here. […]

  4. Well… first of all I am in search of that person who floated this (mid) conception of superwoman.
    No one shows either aim for it also.
    We already are technically blessed to multitask .. let’s not abuse this characteristic feature any more ..
    chill !! And enjoy !!

    One of my senior suggested her idea of relaxing. She used to take day off during mid of the week when kids n Hubby are off to their work. Although not always feasible to do … but no harm trying once 😊

  5. As with all things, productivity is good up to a point. If you feel like it impacts your mental health always being on the go then adding in some rest time definitely sounds necessary! I know it might seem counter-productive, but if you like having a to-do list so much, why not schedule in an hour or so of self-care each week and look at it as being part of being ‘the go-girl’? Just a thought!
    Anna xxx
    http://www.glass-shoes.com

  6. This is literally me. I don’t think I’ve ever related to anything more in my life! It is bloody exhausting having a mind like this so I salute you, girl. There’s nothing more satisfying than writing lists and ticking everything off, right? Organisation is your one true love? I’ll spend £5 on a lush bath bomb and spend less than 5 minutes in that bath because I’m thinking about other productive things I COULD be doing instead! I wish I could advise but I’m not any closer to being able to relax haha but it is nice having people think of you as motivated and successful (even if you don’t feel it yourself!)
    Alice Xx
    http://www.blacktulipbeauty.co.uk

  7. Oh boy, can I relate to this! I take great pride in thinking that I’m always on, always busy, always working on the next thing. I want people to think, “Gosh, I don’t know how she does it all.” And I have the same vision for my future as you, a busy mum who hosts play dates, bakes, cleans, has a job, blogging etc. Basically, DOES IT ALL. I find the best way for me to completely unwind and relax, is to read. When I’m reading, I’m not doing anything else other than reading. I’m fully in the moment. But when I’m watching movies/listening to music/even in the bath, I’m planning, or working on, other stuff.

    1. Same! Obviously I love reading and will always love reading but since reviewing books I even find reading a bit of a “MUST GET THIS DONE BECAUSE I NEED TO REVIEW THIS BOOK”. I’m definitely rarely relaxed when watching films or in the bath too xxx

  8. Gosh it’s really crazy/scary how much of a similar position we are in. I don’t know what life is like without working all of the time, and it’s exhausting! My “lazy” days are ones where I am in bed writing blog posts and commenting on other people’s blogs, and that in itself isn’t too lazy. I just don’t know what to do about it! I just worry that if I don’t keep working that I’ll miss out on opportunities…

  9. Balance is so important! It’s often that I find myself focusing more on the go-go-go of life instead of just taking in the present moment I am in! I found that practicing mindfulness really helped me to relax and then allowed me to focus on whatever it is I wanted to do that made me the happiest that day!
    Hope that helps!
    xx -Madison Moffitt

  10. This reminded me why I’ll be having a no social media day or anything remotely work like and not relaxing tomorrow lol. This is totes me 😂😩😩 I’m always on the go and sometimes forget to get enough rest but balance is important and sometimes sooo hard to achieve. Hopefully I have a nice spa day tomorrow

    xx Lena | https://lenadeexo.com

  11. My mind is never at rest though I am not as super organized as you. I am always jumping from one to-do to another and have had my share of breakdowns. What has helped me is creating weekly goals and not putting pressure on making each day productive. So today, I can let loose, be lazy, binge watch Netflix and not feel guilty as tomorrow I’ll work my butt off. Goal is to have a productive week!
    Don’t be hard on yourself. Try to find that balance.

    Love!

    http://www.aditispen.com

  12. You know, I’m actually the complete opposite. I’m always unmotivated and not really doing much of importance so it would be nice to feel like I was productive and actually doing something worthwhile. However, everything should be in moderation and I can imagine how stressful it must be to feel the need to appear like you’re always at your best to the outside world. I think my tip would be to always make time for something that you enjoy — something that is slow-paced and relaxing (I like to binge-watch quite a lot of Netflix series or spend time watching Buzzfeed Unsolved videos on YouTube). It’s important to realise that no one is always 100% and always doing everything at once – you have to take some time out for yourself and that’s okay xx

    Alicia | https://www.alifestyleblog.co.uk

    1. Awh thank you for your comment- moderation is the best thing for us but can be so hard to find. I have some of those Buzzfeed Unsolved videos on my to watch so I might delve into one and see what it’s like!xxx

      1. You’re really welcome! Yeah, it is easier said than done – I hope it all works out. Ohh, do! They’re really good, I’m obsessed with Ryan and Shane, haha xxx

  13. I go for a walk to relax and unwind. I’m a volunteer site warden for the RSPB so I just go and patrol my patch really. Exercise is good for you and helps take a load off! Love Penny x
    Pebblepen.com

  14. Hello Jenny!

    This was a great read, I love it because I can absolutely relate – I said in my most recent post that we are obsessed with making ourselves busy but we need to slow everything down a little, I’ve learnt the importance of taking your time and giving yourself time to do things for yourself !

    Becky x x x

  15. I used to be the opposite (and I’m still kinda this way, but I’ve been much better)…I’m more sluggish, I rest a lot and feel so guilty about it. Part of it is laziness but also it’s because of my lupus and I need more rest than the average person so I should not feel guilty about needing to rest. I agree with what Bethany Jane said, I’m so afraid of failure too which is why I feel like I can’t accomplish what I want! My husband though is a super on the go type of guy, and sometimes I feel like I can’t keep up with him but he wants me to rest and restore myself, and he gets downtime too by taking long naps since he works from 6 am-3 pm.

    Hannah the Mad Dog

  16. I think I’m basically the complete opposite of you. Instead of fearing being unproductive, I fear failure to the point I don’t even try. I would rather be seen as lazy and make a joke out of that than be someone who failed at what they wanted to achieve. I’m really determined to make 2018 a much more productive year – I hope that we can both come to some sort of middle ground where we have a nice balance of each of our habits. Maybe you can give me some productivity tips and I can help you learn to embrace chilling out!
    Beth x

  17. Mindfulness and living in the moment are so important. But to be honest (and clearly I’m alone here) but girl. Don’t look at what it will be like when you’re a mom. Being the “everything-all-the-time-Pinterest-Mom” actually makes me feel nauseas. And I have three kids. There are no “mental health” days in motherhood. Instead of looking at what you hope to be, enjoy what you have now. The last day I spent sleeping all day was when I was 22. I’m 35 now. Sleeping in is 8 am and that’s not a humble-brag. That’s reality. Be who you are where you are. I’m a mother, writer and artist and some days my personal schedule takes a backseat to the kid who doesn’t want to nap. Boom. That’s my work time – gone. Instead it’s bows and arrows. Which is what I signed up for and it’s kind of awesome. Kids do not adhere to personal schedules and deadlines. I don’t take one day at a time – it’s one minute at a time here. It’s amazing and a roller coaster. And it’s just like a birth plan – it is not what you planned it to be but it’s what it should be 🙂 I know I’m rambling (because I’m nursing and no one is asking me for a snack) but I hope this gives you perspective and encouragement. Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful. There is no perfect Mom or life (other than Jesus) to compare to. You are perfect in your own way and you will find our own way in every way. 💕💕💕

  18. “As someone who preaches self care until she’s blue in the face, I certainly need to start practicing what I preach” that really hit home for me, one of my goals for this year is to care for myself more. I’m always the one telling my friends to slow down, treat themselves etc but never do so myself!

    Marty xo

    http://www.itsmarty.co.uk

  19. I’m intrigued by your level of consciousness. You seem to understand yourself and what you need to do.. Meditation is something the world needs to learn more about. I can definitely relate in wanting to feel productive all the time but its a feeling that constantly needs renewal. Meditation is all about staying present and quietening the thoughts that make you feel like you need to do certain things to be happy. Thank you for sharing <3 | twentyandthree.ca

    1. You know that’s something my therapist always used to say to me! I do a little meditation during my yoga practices so I know how it’s done and what the aim is. Maybe I need to include a more meditation based practice with my workout ones next time xx

  20. I think it’s a good thing to realize that you don’t always have to have everything “together”. It’s okay to slip up sometimes. I like to unwind with a book. If I were always on-the-go, I think I’d go crazy. I admire you that you can keep your life organized and hopefully give yourself some me-time. Really insightful.

    Catherine – workingwithbipolar.blogspot.com

  21. One of my ways of relaxing is to be productive and plan and be organised. It means you are relaxed and have things sorted. Maybe you are actually relaxing in your own way. I have tried having some me time away from being organised so maybe try that too. Even if just applying a face mask or something. I need to be organised as a working mummy and blog and youtube so for me I am not stressed if sorted.

    1. I’m always stressed and I know for a fact my behaviours are unhealthy. It’s great that I can get stuff done and I pride myself on that but I cannot remember the last time I actually had fun and didn’t think about anything else apart from what I was doing .

  22. I’m opposite on a few levels. For one I’m a guy lol. Second…I rather stay in one place for all time lol.

  23. Excellent question… grad school trained me to always worry about not getting enough done. No matter what, there’s always going to be something that needs to get done. I wish I could really turn off my brain and worry about it later, but it is very difficult! I like to just tell myself, “I give myself permission to rest” and sometimes it is an effective tool. Good luck x

  24. I can relate to this so much! I’m actually having trouble sleeping at them moment because I’m always thinking about what I need to do next; blog posts I want to write, scheduling social media, photo ideas, uni work I need to get done, stressing about what I’m going to do after I graduate- the list goes on! The only way I seem to be able to relax (slightly!) is to curl up in bed and listen to David Attenborough documentaries haha x

    jademarie.co.uk

  25. It’s so impressive how organized you are and I can sometimes get those ways as well. I like to be on top of things but having a balance can be SO difficult to find. I find it hard when I’m taking time off as i’m always thinking about what else I could do. I’ve found walks and baths to be helpful for me. Happy 2018! x Brynn

    https://www.brynnieblogs.com

    1. Yeah I totally agree with this I love being on top of things – it’s always good to know you’re not behind deadlines and for that day at least your life is in order but as soon as I sit down to relax I just think hmmm, I could be doing something which will get me ahead for tomorrow, you know? xxx

  26. You could literally be describing me in this post Jenny we are so similar. I would say that I get obsessed and have OCD tendencies and despite knowing the impact on my own mental health I find it so hard to switch off. Being a mum of 3 makes it quite hard to find any down time too. I need to resolve to find that time to switch off

  27. You are so organised and I completely admire that. I have to admit I’m the complete opposite though, I’m possibly one of the most disorganised people on the planet. owever when its been a completely stressful day with work/children/blog/housework/etc the best way for me to wind down is a hot bath with a hot chocolate and a good film.

    Heather xox || http://www.xhighlandbeauty.co.uk

    1. Bath, chocolate and film sounds perfect! However I struggle watching films by myself (again, that sense of not doing something productive) and when I get in the bath I end up working haha! xxx

  28. I have thoughts like this alllll the time. I remember at the start of last year I had 3 months worth of content written and scheduled which I really didn’t need but I done it then ended up changing it all about 2 months in. I love the accomplishment you get with being organised but now I limit myself to 3 weeks in advance and only more if I’m going to be away, it takes stress off but leaves me free to change things up and go with my feelings on content. I feel like I’m one of those people who’s brain is always on the go as Well, sometimes it’s hard to stop it but it’s got so many pros in other respects.

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

    1. Oh definitely there’s so many pros and cons. I LOVE that I can get stuff done – like you but on the other hand, I really bloody need to switch off and jsut NOT think about work or blogging sometimes because it’s exhausting! xxx

  29. I think with so many of these things, it’s not about the action itself, but the THOUGHTS behind it. So for some people, writing that far in advance may be done for practical reasons – work, or a scheduled holiday etc….
    For you, you’re able to see that it’s to the detriment of relaxation and makes you feel anxious not to, which is a huge thing in itself – being able to recognise the drive behind our actions is the first step to changing them! (apologies if i sound like a therapist right now, i just had CBT today…! )

    I’m the opposite, in that anxiety makes me AVOID writing blog posts until the very last minute, spend FAR too long on each post (why I never fulfil my resolution to post more) and i sometimes i’m even scared to proofread. But like you i’m able to identify it now (took me a long time) and can hopefully work on changing it.

    So i’m in your corner – perhaps we could learn from each other 🙂

    Sophie xxx

    Bumble and Be

    1. Haha I’ve had my fair share of CBT and counselling so I totally get all this and yeah I’m glad I’m able to recognise that it’s a problem and not strictly healthy. We could certainly do with giving each other tips as we seem to be on the opposite end of the spectrum xxx

  30. You are really organised with your blog posts & I admire that. I can imagine it gives a great sense of satisfaction. Sometimes I find it hard to be in the here and now and my mind wonders off to what needs to be done. I’ve recently downloaded an app called head space to help me meditate and I hope this helps free up some space in my thoughts and gives me time to relax. A little self care & time out for you is certainly needed so you don’t over do it.

  31. I was just thinking before i clicked through – ‘how do you find the inspiration and time to write such great posts, you must be so organised!’

    I relate so much though – my minds always on – my ideas seem to float around, knock into each other, become some form of mass brawl, in which i can’t process even simple thoughts! if that makes sense.

    This week I’ve really practised taking a moment to just step back and breathe (which i hated people telling me to do – but it really does work!) and actually living in the moment rather than thinking of thing that’s 100 down the line!

  32. Your motivation in insane, could definitely use some of motivational skills!
    To relax and unwind, have a nice long hot shower and pamper yourself, have YOU time, you’ll thank yourself later! xo

    // thattraceyfayegirl.com //

  33. Great post, I’m the complete opposite I’m so unorganised and the fact I’m successfully bringing up 2 children baffles me sometimes. I’m only really organised when I absolutely have to be. 💕

  34. I’m exactly the same. Even when I’m not ‘on it’, I’m watching Netflix paying about 25% attention and the rest of me is planning something or thinking about tomorrow’s to-do list. It’s definitely not healthy! Pretty sure it’s why I have insomnia too. x

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

  35. Oh my gosh, can I have some of that?! My mum always said I have two speeds, slow and stop! I’ll give you some of my slow if I can have some of your get up and go? Lolz. Honestly though, I think this trait will get you very far in life. Embrace it, but be mindful of taking a break now and then. The fact you’re aware of it is a great start. Maybe look up some mindfulness or meditation videos on YouTube and just take a few minutes now and then to prioritise your mind. <3 #bloggerstribe

  36. Oh my goodness I totally get this, and when things are falling apart is when I try the hardest to make it look th opposite! It’s exhausting sometimes. I hope you find some time to relax this year!