Every single one of us goes through times when things are completely and utterly crap. It might just be the odd day here and there; you’ve stood in dog poo on your way to work, then the trains are delayed, then your lunch has spilt in your bag that sorta thing. It might be a week where everything keeps piling up or a longer period of time when things are particularly difficult; you’re not getting on with your partner, tensions are high at home, a pet is ill or you’re facing money problems. Whatever the reason things are crap for you for, it’s not unusual that we feel completely out of kilter during these times in our lives. Like the world is continuing to turn but slightly to the left and we no longer feel in rhythm with it.
Since becoming self employed, starting an online business and starting a blog, I’ve found myself becoming increasingly and increasingly eager to do more and achieve more. Followers, likes, comments, amount of books read, projects to start (and probably not finish), money to raise for charity, more “stuff” to implement into my business. More and more and more stuff for me to do – whether I have the time to do it or not. I’m highly a Type A personality, I thrive off of organisation, getting stuff done, meeting deadlines and projects and often spend near enough the whole day from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed doing some kind of work related “thing”. Is this healthy? Probably not. But I never, ever used to be like this. Nowhere near.
This is going to sound like a super weird post and I bet you’re probably all thinking, “wth jenny?” at the title. It’s not clickbait, I 100% mean it, I don’t like my own birthday. I mean obviously when I was younger in Primary School and had swimming parties and McDonalds parties and bouncy castles and the works, birthdays rocked. I wanted it to be my birthday every day! Actually tell a lie, I didn’t, I would always get overwhelmed with all the people and just want a quiet half an hour to myself but you get my gist. Birthday’s were brilliant. Friends, cake, food, presents, balloons, parties. But as I got older, I had a huge change of heart. I distinctly remember spending the first few hours of my 16th birthday in bed crying. So here’s a super sad list of reasons why I don’t really like my own birthday…
I absolutely love other people’s birthdays. I hate my own but someone else’s, I am all down for spoiling them, making a fuss of them, presents, cakes, balloons, decorations – you name it, I’ll go all out for someone else. I just love someone knowing that it’s all about them for that one day and it’s never a bad thing to show someone how special they are! It was my boyfriend’s 29th birthday at the beginning of the month and I wanted to do just that this year because I knew how much he was dreading turning 29. So I wanted to share a bit of it with you as well!
I love a to-do list. I love to-do lists more than life itself. And apart from when I’m on holiday, I don’t think I’ve got through a single day in the last 2 years without working from a to-do list. I am a super organised person and I thrive off of it; the thought of waking up and just going about your day terrifies me. What if I forget something? What if I’m not getting my priorities straight? I am your straight up, stereotypical Type A personality and whilst that’s great and all and I get a shit load done on a daily basis it definitely has it’s downsides. To-do lists are amazing but recently, I’ve been noticing downsides.
I said on Twitter last month that I wanted to start doing more personal posts on my blog; I kicked off this months selection of posts with probably the most personal post I’ve ever written and you know what? It felt good. It was scary. But it felt good having written it. This is my space on the internet after all – nobody else’s. Why can’t I talk about my private life, my personal problems and my own experiences?
This ain’t gonna be a fun post so if you’re not into that sorta thing then I’ll save you the trouble and recommend finding another blog to read and I’ll also quickly mention that this post is going to feature talk on self-image, self-confidence (or there lack of) and body dysmorphia so trigger warnings for any of those topics for anyone who is affected by them and would rather not read on, that’s cool, anyway, let’s get this over with.
Just to clarify before we get into it, the girl in the photo is me not just some random kid. And look how goddamn cute I was! I came home from a trip away to my boyfriend’s parents house “up norf” and saw this photo sitting in my parents bedroom. First of all, the frame is actually mine so I’m not so happy that my mum stole it but I thought it was cute nevertheless. I was looking at the photo whilst listening to Lea Michele’s version of “Wake Me Up” by Avicii (it’s a beautiful cover, you have to listen!) and all of a sudden I started crying. I know it sounds like I’m making this up but I’m not, genuinely, started to cry. For reals.
I really love doing fun and personal posts every now and again and I recently stumbled upon Gabriella’s video about ’10 things she would save in a fire‘. This video was intended to be done as a video ‘tag’ but as you’re well aware that I definitely, 100% do not do YouTube I decided to make it into a blog post instead! But credit to Gabby for creating the tag in the first place and you can find her video here. I really enjoyed doing this and thinking of the items I would save; it really makes you realise what is sentimental to you and what isn’t and I was surprised by some of my choices. So let’s assume every human in my house is clever enough to get out themselves, with everything left, here’s the 10 things I would save If my house was on fire *but touch wood it won’t be*.
Warning: Very personal post coming up so if y’all not into that sorta thing then clear off. The other day (haha I say the other day but it was literally a month ago now) I had a bit of a rant / vent on Twitter. I mentioned that although I love lifestyle blogging and writing about a whole bunch of different topics, I feel sad sometimes that I’m not known solely as a “book blogger” anymore. For those who might be newer readers and followers of mine, my blog started as a book blog and only after a year or so did I venture into other topics. I was constantly reading, reviewing and in contact with authors and publsihers. It was wonderful. And although I still am to some extent (aside from my blog touring business which literally revolves around books), I can’t help but feel a bit distant from the book blogging community now.