At approximately 24 and a half years old, I received the letter in the post that I had been dreading, ever since I knew what a smear test was. The fact that the letter used words like “invited” didn’t make it any more cutesy or appealing. The fact of the matter was, I was at the age where a doctor needed me to spread my legs on a table and look into my fanny. There’s no beating around the bush (pun intended) and no sugar coating it really. It was time for my very first smear test.
Well… that’s a scary thing to say, isn’t it? Although I wrote a post about why I didn’t particularly like my birthday back in July, here I am on my birthday writing a blog post! Oh yeah… it’s my birthday today. I’m 25. Officially a quarter of an entire century old. And quite frankly… I’m freaking the F out.
On 26th June, I wrote a post about some current goals I had at that point. My target for these goals was my birthday which is on 4th September. Well, it’s the 1st today so we’re only a few days away and how did I do? Did I achieve any of my goals? I’m taking a look back at them today and seeing how I did!
This month saw a huge bunch of talented, hard-working people graduate from university. If you’re on social media, all you need to do is scroll for a few minutes before you’ll see the graduation gowns, hats being thrown in the air and the end-of-university-and-graduation celebrations. It’s an amazing time for uni graduates; after 3, 4 or even more years of hard work, meeting deadlines and having to juggle living out of home with limited finances to get by on, it’s all paid off and it’s time to start the next, exciting chapter in their lives. But what about the rest of us?
*Trigger warning: eating disorders, disordered eating and vomit*
I think this post has come at a convenient time as we’ve just seen the release of the Netflix original movie, “To The Bone”, this month – a film, based on true events, about a girl with anorexia and her journey to recovery. Which I actually enjoyed – though it’s definitely not without it’s faults but I think they did a great job on a whole. But anyway, I’m not here to discuss the movie (if you do want to discuss the movie, please leave a comment as I’d love to hear what you thought!), I’m here to lay myself bare and talk about my disordered eating throughout my life.
Every single one of us goes through times when things are completely and utterly crap. It might just be the odd day here and there; you’ve stood in dog poo on your way to work, then the trains are delayed, then your lunch has spilt in your bag that sorta thing. It might be a week where everything keeps piling up or a longer period of time when things are particularly difficult; you’re not getting on with your partner, tensions are high at home, a pet is ill or you’re facing money problems. Whatever the reason things are crap for you for, it’s not unusual that we feel completely out of kilter during these times in our lives. Like the world is continuing to turn but slightly to the left and we no longer feel in rhythm with it.
Since becoming self employed, starting an online business and starting a blog, I’ve found myself becoming increasingly and increasingly eager to do more and achieve more. Followers, likes, comments, amount of books read, projects to start (and probably not finish), money to raise for charity, more “stuff” to implement into my business. More and more and more stuff for me to do – whether I have the time to do it or not. I’m highly a Type A personality, I thrive off of organisation, getting stuff done, meeting deadlines and projects and often spend near enough the whole day from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed doing some kind of work related “thing”. Is this healthy? Probably not. But I never, ever used to be like this. Nowhere near.
This is going to sound like a super weird post and I bet you’re probably all thinking, “wth jenny?” at the title. It’s not clickbait, I 100% mean it, I don’t like my own birthday. I mean obviously when I was younger in Primary School and had swimming parties and McDonalds parties and bouncy castles and the works, birthdays rocked. I wanted it to be my birthday every day! Actually tell a lie, I didn’t, I would always get overwhelmed with all the people and just want a quiet half an hour to myself but you get my gist. Birthday’s were brilliant. Friends, cake, food, presents, balloons, parties. But as I got older, I had a huge change of heart. I distinctly remember spending the first few hours of my 16th birthday in bed crying. So here’s a super sad list of reasons why I don’t really like my own birthday…
I absolutely love other people’s birthdays. I hate my own but someone else’s, I am all down for spoiling them, making a fuss of them, presents, cakes, balloons, decorations – you name it, I’ll go all out for someone else. I just love someone knowing that it’s all about them for that one day and it’s never a bad thing to show someone how special they are! It was my boyfriend’s 29th birthday at the beginning of the month and I wanted to do just that this year because I knew how much he was dreading turning 29. So I wanted to share a bit of it with you as well!
I love a to-do list. I love to-do lists more than life itself. And apart from when I’m on holiday, I don’t think I’ve got through a single day in the last 2 years without working from a to-do list. I am a super organised person and I thrive off of it; the thought of waking up and just going about your day terrifies me. What if I forget something? What if I’m not getting my priorities straight? I am your straight up, stereotypical Type A personality and whilst that’s great and all and I get a shit load done on a daily basis it definitely has it’s downsides. To-do lists are amazing but recently, I’ve been noticing downsides.