Prepare yourself for a long, word-vomit type post. If that’s not your thing and you’d rather something more concrete then no biggie, maybe try my discussion about whether blog views mean anything without engagement or the 6 women who are a huge inspiration to me right now. But if you don’t mind a bit of word-vomit (that’s rank) then welcome. Grab a cuppa, a cake, a roast dinner – whatever floats your boat today and settle in.
Back in about mid March, I had a bit of a… I don’t want to say melt down because it certainly wasn’t a melt down and it feels a little disrespectful to call it that but I had a… wobble. Let’s say. I didn’t have a bad month last month. Personally, it was good. Blogging wise, it was good. Everything went along just tickedy-boo.
But for some reason, mid month I got hit with this giant wave of self doubt, hopelessness and feelings of wondering what the point of blogging and this “online world” was, whether if I jacked this all in today would literally anyone on the planet even notice?
A couple of stupid, insignificant things triggered this, including my views being a little down than normal – which is a ridiculous thing to get in a state about for a variety of reasons – but once I got those thoughts in my head, they were seriously hard to shift.
I knew deep down in my heart that I wasn’t going to jack it all in, despite how melodramatic I was being on Twitter. I love blogging so much that a little blip on my radar wouldn’t deter me from it. There are times where I wonder whether I’m enough, whether I’m good enough, whether I’m offering anything of value to the world. But I think those are pretty normal thoughts.
However, one main thing that I thought about when this was going on was the prospect of giving up and even though I knew I wouldn’t, it made me think about how ‘giving up’ is always seen as such a bad and negative thing. That if we give up, we’ve failed, we’ve let ourselves down, we’re lazy or something else equally as shit.
Which led me to think about how it’s okay to admit defeat. It’s okay to draw a line under something when it’s not working. It’s okay to walk away from something. Despite what all the “inspirational” Pinterest quotes might say, it’s OKAY TO GIVE UP.
I’m all for positivity and encouragement and cheering people on to go and achieve their dreams. But I’m also all for supporting someone who has just given up on their dream when it became too much. Admitting defeat isn’t embarrassing or humiliating. I think sometimes, it’s the strongest damn thing you can ever do.
We all want to hold on to things; relationships, friendships, jobs, goals, dreams. But knowing when to let go is a privilege. A teeny-weeny example of this was last month, a goal of mine was to hit 10,000 page views which by 29th March I realised I wasn’t going to do. I was bummed but I gave up trying and focused on something else instead.
I’m going to wrap this up because I don’t really know what else to say (see, I’m giving up on this blog post already, not a big deal is it?) but the next time you’re scrolling through Pinterest and are bombarded with quotes telling you that you must chase your dreams and must never give up and you feel completely deflated from it, just close the app and have a cake. Seriously, it’ll make you feel better.
Have you ever given up with something important in your life? Do you feel like there’s too much pressure on ‘never giving up’ and the negative connotations that come with it?
Wanna get involved? Join my supportive Facebook bloggers group, Starlight Bloggers!
I find admitting defeat sometimes is the first step to opening a ew door, took me a lot of years to learn that!! Great read, enjoy the weekend!!
Absolutely!
I totally understand where your coming. Life brings us ups and downs and sometimes you feel like you cant keep going. But we have too. You will be just fine I believe ❤
But we don’t HAVE to. That’s my point 🙂 If you’re powering through something which isn’t right for you, it’s totally okay to give up on it.
Ok I agree with that. If it doesnt bring you joy then yeah. But I don’t think that would be giving up. Realizing something isn’t right for you. I rather call it change.
That’s fair enough, whatever you call it 😌 I just don’t think there’s anything wrong with the phrase “giving up”. It’s got such negative connotations.
Me neither especially if a situation is hurtful. Like giving up on a hurtful relationship
I just discovered your blog and I love it so!
I am now carrying the result of sticking to a degree that I do not like just because I wasn’t one to give up. It is hard to give up 2 years of preparation, 6 of schooling, thousands over thousands of euros invested, time and sleepless nights ( my case) but if that makes you dread your life it is not worth it. So probably my comment is more addressed to those who did not give up at the right time and should be read as an encouragement to try and find something you like and either go full time with that or try to balance it out. Do not let bad decision take over your life and yes, if the case be, accept that the road you’re on may just not be the one for you and it is OK to change it 🙂 – you caught me in a sensitive moment so I took the liberty to throw my own word-vomit in the comment section hahaha-.
Haha that’s fine, I love a word vomit comment 😌 Thank you for sharing x
I always take admitting defeat really hard even when it’s the right thing to do. I know this is small but I get this a lot if I can’t finish a run or don’t think I’ll be race ready because of illness or injury and it’s so silly! Love your outlook on this! x
Sophie
I totally understand. I used to get like that if I couldn’t finish a yoga practice for whatever reason but now I just accept that I’m not feeling it that day and try again tomorrow 😌
It’s a massive strength to know when to move on from things. Don’t think of it as ‘giving up’ but moving on to something else. x
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with admitting you’ve given up and using those words but it’s comforting to know that better things are coming x
It is not a negative thing if it is the right decision for you at the time x
Definitely x
I totally agree with you, I think it shouldn’t be seen as a negative thing to give up on something, not for everything anyway. I think for me I try not to give up on things because I’d like to see if I can keep going with it, but if it gets to the point that its making me very unhappy then I wouldn’t want to force myself to keep going if it’s just going to make me feel down all the time. I think we all know in ourselves when enough is enough and of course, it’s very important to look after our mental well being. Great post, it’s good to talk about these kind of topics!
Chloe xx
http://www.chloechats.com
Totally agree with everything you’ve said <3
I’d have to give up on a lot things – people, goals, travel, ideas…
But I like to think that in letting those things go, I’m giving myself room for other things that might serve me better or bring me more happiness.
I agree, sometimes giving something up now clears the way for something better to come along in the future.
Hello, Jenny in Neverland. It’s interesting to read your post. My husband, who is 71 years of age, just lost his second job in one year, because of slowing down after 50 years of doing the work in various places with various organizations. So, he’s been forced to stop, to give up, to shift gears or simply glide for a time.
I would love to learn from you about how to build my own blog, which I just realized I haven’t attended to in a few days. I’m 56, soon to be 57 and trying to learn a new skill, this blogging thing.
Thanks for your post about stopping an activity when you realize it’s too much. I feel validated and it isn’t even me. I stop stuff just fine a lot. So many unfinished projects, but who cares? Life distracts us.
I’m always doubting myself 🙁 it’s horrible xx
Sorry to hear that x
I have never had as much self doubt as since I became a blogger and author. I think it’s because it’s not feasible to be consistent all the time and r he setting of both writing and blogging, just you and a computer, is so solitary. I go through ups and downs and if I graphed them they’d look like a rollercoaster! Great post because it is totally okay and sometimes necessary too for your head not to explode!!! We’d all miss Jennyinnecerland, Jenny, you’re one of the first blogs I followed, and I still remember how you changed my life with your phone call post, as I honestly thought I was the only person who got nervous ringing people. You’re epic X
Oh I think our industry ha those feelings more than most! We’re constantly comparing ourselves to others too, which doesn’t help. And awh im so glad that post helped so much! Thankfully I don’t have that problem anymore – haven’t for a long time but I know it’s something others do struggle with a bit!
I had this feeling a lot especially when I dont goals accomplish my goals. Taking breaks helps But sometimes we have to admit failure and move on.
Totally true
If I feel something isn’t working out, I press the stop button, I always have. I think it’s better to stop something that isn’t right so you can re-assess and go a different route rather than go on regardless. I’m glad you’ve not quit blogging though, thanks for sharing. xx
I’m glad you’ve always had that mentality 😌
I’m terrible with things like this. Life, work, books! xx
Books is a hard one!
I think it’s crucial to know when to give up on something. If it’s not bringing you any happiness and is making you feel awful, then it’s time to just give up and let go.We can struggle too long with things because we don’t want to admit defeat or failure. I think it’s just being sensible and taking care of our mental health knowing when enough is really enough and it’s time to move on. 🙂 x
Sarah 🌺 || Boxnip || Latest Post
Totally agree 😌
I prefer to say ‘letting go’ instead of giving up 🙂 I gave up on projects I had, and it led me to where I am today. My life is not pink and gold, but without giving up on those previous things, I wouldn’t have discovered blogging, made career changes, and met one of my closest friend. Giving up can mean opening a new chapter, and it takes strength to realise you should, take the step, and walk another path. Great post
Fair enough! I think there’s a huge stigma around the notion of “giving up”, I don’t think we should be scared to just admit we’ve given up. And I’m in a similar boat really, everything I’ve given up on in the past has led me to where I am!
We need to say more that it’s okay to stop, it’s okay to give up on things. Sometimes we need to MariKondo everything in life and say “this no longer brings me joy”.
Not giving up broke me. Literally. I spent years and years not giving up, persevering, fighting, pretending to cope and not giving up because it was what was expected of me.
I only gave up in the end because I was fired by my workplace for having too much time off to deal with mental illness. It was my dream job but juggling full time work, studying for a BA, studying for a workplace qualification, grieving a Grandparent and helping to clear their estate, providing childcare to my Sister 300 miles away during school holidays…in hindsight I wish that I had given up some of those things sooner because it is years later and I’m still putting myself back together again.
Wow that’s a really good (but not good) example of what I mean. I’m glad you learnt from the experience though that it’s okay to stop and say no.
I’ve been needing to read this post for basically my whole life haha. I have no idea why but I’ve always been so scared of giving up and driven by not wanting to because I think we all associate it with failure rather than just learning a lesson. I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling more positive though, I relate to the helpless feeling sometimes!
Soph – https://sophhearts.com x
Yeah I totally agree! I don’t know why failure is seen as such a end of the world thing. We’ve all failed at something, it’s human nature! 😌
Oh slightly sheepish confession time – this post just made me cry! Oops. I’ve had something building for ages now and have basically been told that I wanted to do it, so I’m not allowed to stop. Finally reached a point today where someone realised what it was doing to me and told me to stop. Slightly complicated, won’t go into it, but then to read this tonight just felt like it was a sign that I should hand it over and bring myself back from the nightmares/edge of a breakdown it’s currently left me with. Thank you.
Maybe it was a sign 😌 I’m glad this post came to you at the right time and things are getting resolved. Always here to chat if you need to xxx
I’ve definitely been feeling like this lately and it’s been bloody awful to be honest!
Love, Amie ❤
The Curvaceous Vegan
I noticed by your latest post! I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling like this 💛
Interesting post Jenny. I think there’s definitely pressure to keep going and never give up, whether that’s on your dreams, goals or workload. But it’s silly, if you know the time is right or if whatever it is isn’t working for you, admitting defeat isn’t a bad thing is it? I’ve given up on a few toxic friendships in the past.
It’s definitely not a bad thing. I gave up on a friendship last year which I’d been holding on to far too long too.
Such a relatable post!! Lol girl I’ve been having a good few wobbles here and there and sometimes you really just have to accept that it is going to help but you just have to be mindful that it’s just a rut you will come out of. Honestly the way life tosses things at you, you can watch your growth and understand where you are at depending on how you respond to those difficult circumstances. And you understand how to maneuver moving forward. Great post hun! You rock!! 😀 <3
xx Lena | https://lenadeexo.com
Thanks chick 😘😘
I think I remember seeing your tweets about this last month. I agree, it’s OK to give up on things – I find that sometimes you have to otherwise it can affect your mental health, amongst other things.Thanks for sharing xx
Totally agree 😌
I enjoyed this post. I think it can be hard when we all know that consistency pays off and that small daily efforts can make such a big difference to accept that every once in a while it’s OK to feel a bit deflated. I’m trying to learn to ease up when I need to, but it’s very much a work in progress! Wishing you a brilliant spring & summer filled with blog-related wins & good times. x
Oh I agree. I’ve been trying to teach myself to ease up for a while now too. It’s definitely a work in progress!
Totally can relate! There’s such pride held in ‘pushing through’ or ‘toughing it out’, but sometimes the real battle is telling yourself it’s okay to give things a rest, step away, and recharge. Sometimes that’s really what your body, mind and soul need the most.
Totally agree!
This is such an important post! Knowing when enough is enough is actually a really great skill. It’s better to stop when you know that something isnt working than to push through and feel miserable at the end of it all x
https://www.femaleoriginal.com
Yep absolutely 😌
I’ve felt this way a number of times while blogging, if I’m not happy with my views or not gettingas much engagement as I usually do then I get this feeling. The quotes in Pinterest I sometimes love but then when I’m in this mood I hate them! I always know it passes but it’s nice to know that other people feel that way too! Xx
Ah I’m exactly the same! I get really disheartened with views and engagement etc!
I am sending you massive, massive hugs Jenny. I have the exact same sometimes and I agree that sometimes it doesn’t feel OK to give up because of all the Pinterest quotes telling us to persevere. But I would notice if you jacked it in – I love reading your posts and how real you are. You need to do what makes you happy though. Always here if you need a chat <3
Melanie || melaniewithanie
Awh thank you so much 💛
I agree that it’s okay to admit defeat. Holding on to something that is broken or starts to give you a toxic mentality is dangerous. So it’s better to say “no, achieving this career dream/holding on to that friendship etc is better quit now” even when it’s hard to do. I am quite glad that you wrote this post because it was more eye opening than the usual “motivational” articles
I’m so glad you think so. Some inspirational “never give up” things can be so detrimental!
I remember your Tweets last month about this. I agree with you, there’s no shame at all in deciding to go in a new direction sometimes. If things aren’t working or are no longer giving you joy then why not? As long as you know it’s right for you then it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. That said though, I’m so glad you didn’t give up, your blog is so full of amazing articles and you are such a positive presence! X
Lisa | http://www.lisasnotebook.com
Awh thank you! Like I said, I knew deep down I wouldn’t. I think my tweets were more me trying to justify it to myself that IF I did, it was okay 😌
I love that you have written this blog post sweetheart. I can totally relate to it and I do agree that so many people put pressure on themselves sometimes which is so bad for your own mental health and self-care. Taking breaks is not something anyone should be ashamed of and it’s okay to come away from things that you love from time to time. Sending you all of the love beautiful. 🌸💜
With love, Alisha Valerie x | http://www.alishavalerie.com
Thank you and I totally agree. Just because you need a break from something doesn’t always mean you don’t love it anymore 😌
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been close to giving up o blogging a couple of times, questioning whether it’s all worth it or not but I always knew how devastated I’d be if I ever gave up. The most important thing to remember is that we’re doing it for our own reasons and should go at our own pace.
Love Lozza xo
http://girlygabble.com
That’s true. I’ve definitely had those thoughts more than once too, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one too!
I definitely think there’s pressure on ‘never giving up’ and people viewing it as failure so I’m so glad you wrote this post! There definitely isn’t enough said about how actually it’s okay if you want to stop with something, if you’ve reached a point where you can’t carry on with it. There should be no shame in that! I reached that point with my blog recently and really wasn’t sure if I wasn’t going to come back to it. Anyone I mentioned it too though went down the ‘you’ve worked so hard, don’t waste it all’ route but if I had chosen to stop, why should it be viewed as a bad thing? Maybe it’s just ‘I have worked hard on it and I’m proud of what I’ve done with it, but let’s move onto something else’ if that makes sense? Everyone is always so quick to jump down the failure path if someone tries something new or just wants a change! xx
Tiffany x http://www.foodandotherloves.co.uk
That makes total sense. Even something that’s a success and brought us so much joy can be given up on and shouldn’t be seen as a negative 😌
From a physical point of view, I find the ”just keep going” mentality dangerous. Rest or quitting to shift focus on other things is immensely healing and rewarding too. It reminds me of mountain climbers that get summit blind, that will do anything even risk their lives to get to the top, when the sensible thing is to admit it’s not right and to retreat.
Oh yeah I totally agree too! Physically and mentally these things can apply 😌
There is a fine between being to tough on yourself and admitting defeat! You personally achieve so much it’s ok not to get everything! We are human we can’t get everything. Great read x
Absolutely true. If you’re being too tough on yourself it’s probably detrimental to your wellbeing anyway!
It’s definitely ok to give up on something x
http://www.ofbeautyandnothingness.co.uk
I agree that its okay to give up sometimes. If you are chasing something that isn’t achievable you can really make yourself go insane. Setbacks happen but it’s how you bounce back from them. Another really honest and useful post 🙂
http://www.yuletimes.com
I agree, it can have such a detrimental affect and you can end up worse than if you’d just thrown in the towel.
I’m 100% with you – knowing when to step away for a bit is so so important, and giving up doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve failed!! Sometimes things take longer to work out than we’d hope 😊💚 Love and hugs!!
Totally agree. But even if you do fail, I don’t see that as something to be ashamed by. You failed, so what? Everyone’s failed at something 😌
That’s very true 😊
I could not agree more 🙌🏻 Sometimes ‘giving up’ on something is the healthiest thing to do and shows so much more self-respect and acceptance of self than ploughing on with something that may be detrimental to your health in the long run. This is a really important post in a times of self-motivational Pinterest quotes – thank you for sharing 🧡
I totally agree, you’ve worded it much better than me 😂 xxx
There’s definitely a huge amount of pressure to ‘just keep going’, ‘never give up!’ This attitude massively fed into my mental health issues and meant I didn’t seek help for a long time.
I agree it’s okay to let a goal go, even just for a while, so you can focus on other things.
Thank you for sharing, I love how open and honest you are on your blog. Hope you feel better this month, would definitely miss you if you left blogging! ☺️
Thank you 💛 I feel there’s a huge pressure too and it can really get in your head and have such a detrimental effect xxx
I completely get you about the views, lovely. I get myself in a tizzy over views and likes etc, and I really shouldn’t. It’s about the experience, not the finish line, but it’s so easy to get wrapped up in it all.
I have set myself a realistic goal of 10,000 views by the end of August. The reason I gave myself so long is because I know it’s easily obtainable. If I make it sooner then it will be a pleasant surprise, but if I keep up the momentum of this month I should manage it. Another reason I set an easily obtainable goal is so that I feel validated, why views do that I don’t understand, but they do. There is no getting away from that.
I think in this online world self doubt is inevitable at some point. We are putting so much work into these blogs, we don’t (normally, or at the start) make all that much out of it (if anything) and there is no one physically around telling us how good we’re doing. It’s all through engagement and views, therefore if this all seems to be down then we feel down. Does that make sense.
I am here to reassure you that I love your blogs, you are an excellent writer and it’s always a pleasure reading your posts. I know I’m only one person, but it’s one more person reading your blog than there would be if you had never started to begin with.
– Nyxie
http://www.nyxiesnook.com
(I hope this comment made sense!)