ad // I’ve written quite a lot of dating and relationships content on my blog in the past, even recently delving into more sex related content which I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing. But being single and break ups isn’t something I’ve ventured into much, possibly because I’m not single and in a long-term relationship making me feel like I can’t touch those subjects.
But I’ve been in relationships since I was 13 (yes I know, I’m not sure how much you can really call them relationships at that age but let’s roll with it) and inevitably, break ups as well. I’ve had a LOT of break ups, of varying degrees of civility and dignity. Some of them make me gag a bit, thinking back on them now.
I don’t think there’s really ANY right or wrong way to build a healthy relationship with yourself after a break up, within reason. As long a you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself) and you’re doing what you feel is right, then by all means, crack on. After a break up is certainly a time to experiment, sexually and otherwise. Perhaps with escort agencies such as Rachaels Escort Agency or sex toys. Or maybe you just need to spend more time alone, travel or even go to therapy!
But in this post, we’re going to be looking at a few ways that might help you re-build a healthy relationship with yourself after a break up. Not all of these points will be relevant to everyone and they’re certainly not the ONLY way to do it. Just some suggestions, for anyone feeling a little stuck!
6 ways to build a healthy relationship with yourself after a break up:
Allow yourself time to grieve
There’s a grieving process that happens when you go through a break up because it is a loss. Most people don’t look at break ups in this way and try and crack on with things and move on ASAP. But sometimes that’s not the healthiest thing to do and will result in a lot of pent up anger, sadness and frustration coming out further down the line.
Identify the difference between what YOU like and what you just put up with
You build up a lot of hobbies and habits as a couple over the course of a relationship. If you’ve been together for a significant amount of time, these will seemingly bleed together. Now you’re single again, it’s time to reclaim what was yours and let go of those hobbies that you only persevered with because your partner liked them.
Accept the relationship for what it was
Relationships are messy and confusing. Break ups, even more so. After a break up, it’s SO EASY to go on the defensive. To list their bad qualities, to tell people how much of a horrible person they were and to tarnish their name and reputation. For some, this might be justified. But is it for you? Building a healthy relationship with yourself after a break up means acceptance – in all forms.
Do everything you like – just because
Now is the time to be SELFISH. And selfish is not a bad word. Building a relationship with yourself again after a break up can mean that you dive head first into all the things you love to do, just because. Maybe something you didn’t have time for whilst in a relationship. Or something that fell to the wayside. Go on holiday somewhere YOU want to go. Start a hobby YOU want to do. Watch YOUR favourite movie.
Accept your own mistakes within the relationship
Relationships are two sided coins and RARELY is there ever one perfect person in one. Even if you’ve not done anything inheritably wrong, you will have made some mistakes along the way. Perhaps you could have reacted differently in a certain situation or taken more care with your words during an argument. You’re human and human’s make mistakes.
Go down a road of self discovery
I always find in a relationship, I often get caught up in the other person too much to the point that I neglect myself. I neglect my self care, I neglect the relationship with myself and I certainly don’t focus on personal growth. If that sounds like you, now is the time for that. You might want to hire a life coach, go to therapy, travel alone or start that business you’ve always dreamed of!
Break ups are seriously hard and don’t even doubt that. If you’re struggling with a break up, know that it’s okay and it’s normal but you will get through the other side. Now is such an amazing time for you to nourish the relationship with yourself and if you start to gently implement these tips, you’ll soon notice a difference!
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Going through a break-up right now, and found this super helpful. Thank you for posting.
Sorry to hear that but I’m glad you found it helpful x
I don’t think I have ever fully gotten over my breakup. It wasn’t a boyfriend girlfriend situation, we was married and had three children together and was a lot more complicated.
However Being able to do things that were just for me was amazing through. I got a freedom back I never had.
Oh well yes that’s definitely much more complicated – I wasn’t really referring to divorce in this post because things obviously go much deeper when you’ve been married!
Great post Jenny, and I definitely agree with what you say. I’ve definitely been guilty of diving straight back into dating without really getting to know myself again. Being able to be ok with being single, not seeing it as something wrong with you, was also a big one for me.
Thanks Matthew. God there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single – I really do wish I had spent more time single in my early 20’s!
I’ve not had many breakups but for me, the best thing was to always be social and take care of myself – exercise and eat well. That always helped me! Corinne x
Being social can really help, shutting yourself off can be the worst thing possible sometimes!
Such great tips! You should be allowed to wallow and take the time for selfcare.
You absolutely should – it’s vital!