If you’re a regular reader of this blog or you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know that I suffer with anxiety. It’s quite obvious really, I’ve spoken about it enough and I’m always as open and honest as I can possibly be with my mental health because I know that so many other people suffer too. My anxiety journey has been a long, complicated and quite frankly, weird one. I won’t go into the details here but you can find out more about my personal anxiety journey throughout my Mental Health category if you wish to know more! Going about my day to day life has become increasingly more difficult since I developed this condition. I get anxious about almost everything but over the years I’ve pushed and pushed myself and I’d say I’m in a semi-decent place at the moment in regard to my mental health.
We’re all aware of the fact that social media doesn’t always necessarily give us an accurate portrayal into someone’s life. We’ve all been that person to swoon and lust after someone else’s Instagram only to be reminded by some wise Pinterest quote that we’re only seeing their highlight reel – not their every day. It doesn’t matter how many lavish holidays people post about, how many Michelin Star restaurants they’ve eaten in or how many spa breaks they have, chances are, we’re not going to see them post about the time they did their laundry or the cat was sick on their jumper.
It’s my birthday tomorrow, I’m going to be 26 years old, I’m sitting here writing this post listening to Disney songs and I genuinely feel like I’m never going to grow up. When I was 15, I thought, ‘wow, 26 year old’s are proper adults, doing adult things’. But now I’m there (well, almost) I couldn’t feel less like how my naive little 15 year-old self thought I would at this age. Ugh, it’s weird and it’s freaking me out a bit.
I blog about mental health a lot and I’m totally open about my anxiety and how it affects me. Which is bad. Sometimes. I think during my anxiety journey, I’ve learnt a lot about how to deal with both anxiety and stress. I’ve probably learnt more coping mechanisms with anxiety than I ever would have if I didn’t develop it in the first place. Which, thinking about it, I suppose is one benefit to come out of having my mental health disorder. Of course we all need coping strategies when we’re stressed. Because we all get stressed and we’ll all have periods of more stress than others. You know how it is, everything’s fine for months then 12 problems come along at once. I’ve recently had a bit of a episode like that, which I’m not going to go into but it’s important to reiterate the point that everyone goes through it. It can help to know we’re not alone, if nothing else.
There was a time in my life where I felt like I was looking into a black hole of nothingness. I wasn’t depressed (at least, I don’t think I was) and I certainly wasn’t suicidal. It was a time where my anxiety was at it’s absolute worst. Not too long after it started, when I didn’t know what it was or how to cope with it. Besides, before October 2011, I didn’t even know what a panic attack was. I didn’t know what anxiety was, let alone what it felt like. I was a girl who pranced through life, going out as much as she possibly could, meeting people and literally – literally – didn’t have a care in the world.
Wowzers… April. April. APRIL. Just when we couldn’t believe that it was 2018 already, here we are, 4 months into the year already. I hope you all had a great March, did lots of cool stuff and had a lot of fun. March for me was pretty damn good; I visited my boyfriend’s family in Lincolnshire, went away for the weekend to the Severn Valley Railway in Shropshire and saw the start of the new Formula 1 season. So all in all, a good month. I’ve also thoroughly enjoyed doing smaller, more achievable monthly goals this year so far. It’s really worked for me, it’s helping me focus and also helping me be more specific about my goals. However, this will be my last public goals list I’ll be posting on my blog – just because I don’t want it to get too samey and don’t want y’all to get bored! I’ll still be noting down my goals privately for the rest of the year (hopefully!) Here’s what I’d like to achieve in April…
At the time of writing this post, it has been revealed that cervical screenings (smear tests) are at an all-time low. It’s a statistic I don’t even want to think about. I turned 25 last September and as predicted, was invited for my first smear test – which I had done 4 days before my 25th birthday (I wrote about my experience here). I suffer with anxiety – GAD to be specific (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) but I suffer extra anxiety when it comes to medical related things.