Showing up for yourself has a whole heap of different meanings. But knowing how to show up for yourself isn’t always easy. Especially in a society and time where we’re being pulled in every direction and have a hundred and one things on our plate on any given day. It’s so important to dedicate time for yourself – and not just basic acts of self care.
Today I wanted to steer clear of self care – you can find PLENTY of blog posts about self care – and instead talk about how to show up for yourself. Which focuses less on bubble baths and lighting candles and more on really digging deep and finding out who you are, what you need and how you can show up for your own damn life without regrets.
Don’t get me wrong, I love bubble baths and all your typical self care activities. But after years of practice, I’m pretty clued up on what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like a heap of shit when I need a bit of extra self love and care.
So, how exactly DO you show up for yourself?
Is there any special trick or magic potion you need to use? Absolutely not. Showing up for yourself is all about honoring your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs and showing yourself the respect you deserve. It’s not always easy and there’s likely going to be obstacles in the way but here are some tips to get you started.
Let’s look at some practical ways of how to show up for yourself. You are your #1 priority after all:
Make choices that honor your needs when they arise
I think this is above all else, the most important element of how to show up for yourself. And really, everything else is more or less a byproduct of honoring your needs. Sometimes this might mean cancelling plans because of a bad mental health day. Or eating a healthy dinner because you’ve had takeaway for the last 3 nights in a row.
Your needs fall under four important categories; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual and any one of those can be disrupted when we’re not truly honoring what we need. Of course this isn’t possible 100% of the time but when it is possible, it’s one of the most effective ways to show up for yourself.
Say yes to the opportunities that you want and deserve
Ah, the comfort zone. This is one that I’ve worked on quite a bit over the last few years but also know I need to continue working on. My anxiety had me stuck in a very rigid and quite frankly, boring, comfort zone for a very long time.
There’s certainly nothing wrong with a comfort zone. If we’re honoring our emotional needs then perhaps a cup of tea, in bed with your dog and favourite box set is exactly where you need to be.
But I think we can all honestly say, hand on heart, that we’ve sometimes turned down opportunities for a variety of reasons. Whether that’s because another area of our life has taken priority or because you didn’t feel like you deserved the opportunity or didn’t feel like you had the skills for it.
I’ve definitely stepped out of my comfort zone this year in terms of my blog, photography and the opportunities I’ve accepted. I feel like in that way, I’ve really shown up for myself. And I feel all the better for it! For me, one of those things was outfit photos – something I’ve never been comfortable with.
But I was kindly sent this dress, perfect for Autumn, Winter and definitely over the Christmas period which obviously required some photos. I took these myself, with a make-shift tripod and honestly, I don’t hate them! So here I am, with my pale skin and wobbly bits, loving life for stepping out of my comfort zone.
The dress itself is SO comfortable. Like I said, perfect for the upcoming seasons but any time of year really. It could definitely be dressed up or down and I love the off the shoulder design you can have with it too. ANGELEYE sell a lot of really unique and striking pieces, including stand-out Wedding Guest Outfits too!
But say no to anything that doesn’t serve you
It’s great to step outside the comfort zone and do things that scare you. But saying no is just an important. Not everything is going to align with us. Nothing everything benefits us in how to show up for yourself.
Learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. Easier said than done, I know. But once you learn how to do that, it is so empowering.
Take time for yourself every single day
My favourite way to do this is through Yoga. But let’s face it, you knew that by now! Rolling out that mat is the only time of the day where I feel 100% like everything in that moment is me and my needs. Nothing else matters when I’m in a downward dog or flowing through Yoga poses.
And whether I do a 50 minute high energy practice, some restorative Yoga or a 10 minute meditation, I know that that time is precious. Find your THING and do something you love single day, for however long time allows.
Show yourself the same love and compassion you’d show someone else
Damn this is a tough one isn’t it. How many times have we given someone else a compliment then looked in the mirror and ripped ourselves apart? As someone that’s always suffered from pretty severe self esteem issues, I know how hard and impossible this can be at times.
But it’s important that we at least try (more on why we should try in the next point). This could be starting with the smallest thing, like not judging yourself for taking a mental health day when you need one, like how you wouldn’t judge your best friend for doing the same thing.
Honor your achievements; however big or small
By celebrating all your achievements, it shows that you’re honoring the fact that you’re trying. And we can’t ask any more of ourselves than to simply try. So regardless of what anyone else thinks, be proud of that thing you accomplished. Even if it’s simply getting out of bed when all you want to do is lie under the covers.
I wouldn’t wish anxiety on my worst enemy but the main thing having severe generalized anxiety disorder for so long has taught me is to ALWAYS be proud of your achievements. There was a time where going into the corner shop was the scariest thing in the world for me.
So you can bet your bottom dollar I celebrated like I’d won an Oscar every time I managed to do that! Learn to define success on your own terms.
Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel
This is similar to the first point about honoring your needs and acting accordingly instead of physical actions, this time we’re looking at emotional actions. We live in a world where there’s always so much to do, all the time. It’s no wonder we bottle up emotions so much – there’s no time to do anything with them!
But that’s where we need to flip the script and regardless of how busy we are, make time to feel what we need to feel. A good example of this is my Mum, who in August, lost her Dad (my Granddad). For weeks, she was so busy with funeral plans, sorting his things, making calls and arrangements, that the sadness didn’t really hit her until long after he’d passed away.
Get comfortable with yourself
And finally, one of the most important points, I think, is getting comfortable with yourself. Accepting and loving your own company is a great way to show up for yourself, I think! And the notion of getting comfortable with yourself really can mean a whole bunch of things.
Take yourself on a date or go on a solo travel adventure – like one of my favourite bloggers, Absolutely Lucy has dedicated years doing. Find a hobby to do on your own. Get comfortable talking about your needs and feelings. Experiment with your body, invest in sex toys, figure out what you love. The possibilities are endless.
At the end of the day, the person you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with, is you. You need to get along with yourself first or it’s going to be a very long and bumpy ride.
Knowing how to show up for yourself isn’t something you can learn over night. It’s a process and it will change, like the seasons of life change. So it’s important to know that what works for you now, might not work in 6 months time.
I love the idea of taking time for yourself every day, it’s important to fit in that bit of self-care when possible x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
‘Make choices that honor your needs when they arise’ – this, this, THIS! 100X this! If these last few months have taught me ANYTHING it’s that I need to honor me. No matter what – I come first.
There will always be times in our lives that make us realise how important that point is!!
Cheers to advocating for self-care! I have to remind myself to follow through on prioritizing rest. I work a lot during the week and on the weekends all I want to do is catch up on all the household things I set to the side. But realistically, that only sets me up for burnout. I need to care for myself via yoga, taking time to read, journaling, or honestly just sitting in my thoughts and appreciating a moment to myself. I hope everyone one who reads this post takes the time to do at least one thing to care for themselves today.
Thank you 🙂 hope you do manage to set aside some real time for yourself over the weekends x
Great post. Needed this today.
Thanks for reading x
Taking time for yourself every day is so important. We try to make it a priority after work.
That’s good to hear!
“Show yourself the same love and compassion you’d show someone else.” Ding, ding, ding! Same here! Thank YOU! It is the hardest tip for me too, and the one I most push myself with love and practice to BE. ❤️
It’s definitely easier said than done, that omen
Very true, but one can one do when he cannot afford his need at that particular time?
Think outside the box and replace it with something that’s cheaper or free.
Thanks so much 🤝
This is absolutely brilliant Jenny. You are able to offer such a unique perspective on things that are already discussed elsewhere. You have this talent to give people new ideas and inspire them to better themselves and to be happier in their lives. Absolutely magnificent, I look forward to reading your posts as they always surprise me in a good way. Keep it up!
Laura / https://www.laustworld.com/
Oh my goodness that’s one of the best comments I’ve ever received thank you SO much x
Love this and completely agree. You put out some fab suggestions about how to show up for yourself
Thank you x
Loved this post. I need to get better at most of these. I’m pretty good at taking time for myself and realising when I need a little bit of self care but really showing up for myself is what I need to work on!
Lauren | http://www.laurenyloves.co.uk
Thank you – glad this helped!
Loved this post. I love that dress also, it looks so comfortable and you look lovely in it! I’ve been trying to step outside of my comfort zone too recently, even to the things that others may find small.
This is such an incredible post, hun! I honestly have zero clue how to focus on myself when I’ve spent so many years helping others. I’m hoping to use some of these tips and therapy to understand that I’m important too!
Daisy xoxo | TheDeeWhoLived
Hope they help xxx
Such a great post x
You know what, I kinda really needed to read this today. It can be so easy to forget how to take care of yourself, or even to do it.
That last point though, getting comfortable with yourself? I think it’s absolutely key.
Cora | http://www.teapartyprincess.co.uk/
It sure is xxx
These tips are amazing and exactly what I needed to read!
Love, Amie ❤
The Curvaceous Vegan
Thank you xxx
I love these tips! I’ll be checking out the manifestation YouTube channel you recommended. Also, those are stunning photos, Jenny!
Alyse is amazing, I think you’ll love her!
It is so important that we take care of ourselves however we can. I agree with where our needs fall under. I try my best to go out of my comfort zone as much as I can for growth and knowing what is out there. Self-investment is so important. I love the vibes of this post – a lot to learn from!
Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me
Thanks so much! xxx
I frickin love this post!! I found it on the BloggersTribe comment thread and I am so glad I did!
I suck at showing up for myself, so all of your suggestions are super helpful! Thank you.
Hope this helped! xxx
This is one of my favourite posts. 🙂
I feel you in relation to the comfort zone and trying to push beyond it this year.
So many great posts Jen. 🙂 x
Thank you so much xxx
I’m a big believer in manifesting the positive!
Some great tips here, particularly about taking time for yourself everyday (as an introvert I need alone time at least for a few minutes each day) and recognising what you’ve already achieved (so important not to be always looking ahead but see how far you’ve come).
Oh same, I NEED some alone time every day otherwise I go spare!
The motivation I needed to pick myself up!
Also the dress looks so super cute on you!
Thank you! xxx
Take time for yourself everyday is something I try to do everyday. Even if it is a quick yogi session or a little longer in the shower x
Those are two things I love to do too. I love to stick my music on in the shower and just have a little sing along x
This post is full of such great advice Jenny! Taking time for yourself everyday is so important, sometimes a little me time can make all the difference! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
Thank you chick!xxx
I love this. It is a great switch on the self-care/self love movement. Both of those are so important but this feels like next level stuff.
Such an important message, thank you for sharing Jenny.
You look great by the way x
Thank you – I thought so too. It’s all important though, at the end of the day 🙂 xxx
This post was so inspiring and important. My husband always tells me that I need to love myself more and give myself a break and some respect, but it’s definitely something that I need to continuously work on. I think these tips can be incredibly useful, and they are important things to acknowledge.
It’s difficult if it doesn’t come naturally to you, I totally understand that xxx
What a straight-forward yet different post about self-love! I need to keep on manifesting that dream life!
Thanks so much! xx
This is a really inspiring post and I love your tips! It’s so important to take some time out for yourself and to look at your needs above everyone else at times. I recently cancelled plans I’d made just so I could curl up with a boxset and my cat for the evening – didn’t make an excuse, I was just honest and said I needed a chill evening. I regret nothing and I felt so much better than what I would have done if I’d gone out and been miserable the entire time! Think it’s something I need to do more often! Xx
That’s amazing that you cancelled because you just felt like you needed to! We definitely don’t need to keep making excuses for ourselves! Go you! xxx
My self-esteem and confidence are pretty low in all honesty. I try to work on them but it is very hard. I don’t always allow myself to feel in the moment either. I’m the type of person that bottles all that up and then explodes in tears or anger. So that is definitely something I need to work on. 🙂
Sarah 🌺 || Boxnip || Latest Post
My self esteem and confidence are pretty low too. I think that’s just how I am in nature now. Baby steps at a time. But bottling things up is never good! xxx
I love your dress!! And a wonderful post as usua UIl! I have certainly upped my self-care regime in 2019. Also manifestation is something I have been working on. So thank you for sharing those resources I will certainly check out.
Thank you so much! Glad to hear you’re getting into manifestation. Hope it’s wonderful for you xxx
You’re so gorgeous! Great post, very inspiring!
Awh hun, thank you so much!
You look amazing in that dress! I love jumper dresses/ knitted dresses for autumn. These are great tips, I honestly think I’m a little too comfortable with my own space though! x
Thank you so much! This is actually my first knitted jumper dress I’ve ever owned! xx
That dress looks amazing on you! Kudos for pushing out of your comfort zone <3
I like the concept of showing up for yourself. It's something I'm working hard on and hoping to manage to get better at. Especially celebrating the little things.
Thank you so much! You definitely should celebrate the little things – I’m sure there’s plenty of little things for you to be proud of xxx
I’ve been really trying to engage in self-care to and these are some great ideas. I’m trying to love by the “Try and fail, but don’t fail to try” mindset at the moment. It’s difficult but will hopefully be worth it in the end!
Love that quote! It’s so try. There’s no shame in failure as long as you tried! xxx
This is such a positive post, I find it hard to reconcile that you’re Slytherin! But I’m probably just an ignorant Hufflepuff 😉
MB | http://www.meaghan-bethany.blogspot.com
Hahaha! That’s amazing. I’m very much a Slytherin. Just a positive one! xxx
I really needed this post today to remind myself to care for myself a little more and give myself a break during Blogtober! Such a lovely post and you look amazing in the pics, girl x
Thanks so much Sophie xxx
These are great tips. The one that is hardest for me is taking time for myself every day. I often get so caught up in work or doing things for others, that I sacrifice my own health.
Agh, no! I can understand that though because I’ve been like that before too xxx
Nice to see something a little different to the usual self care stuff 🙂
Thank you very much xx
You look amazing in that dress!! x
Thanks so much Sarah xx
A beautiful dress, and such an innovative way to share your review on it. Love the photos.
Accepting worthy and sometimes daunting opportunities is a wonderful way to find new parts of yourself and grow. I am doing that now cooking for 100 men.
Thanks so much! Cooking for 100 men?! Where on Earth are you doing that? xxx
😂 This is the last day of the camp but it is a little spiritual retreat for man in West Virginia.
Loved this post. You definitely covered all the points. I especially resonated with saying yes to the opportunities we want and deserve. On a few occasions I’ve been the person who rejected opportunities, all because I didn’t believe in myself, or the work I produced. I’m so glad that I’ve moved on from that stage. I wholeheartedly believe in myself, and honestly, it’s an amazing feeling! Thanks for sharing dear, such an amazing post. Keep shining and rocking that dress!
Tx. // Tajinder Kaur
Ah that’s so amazing to hear. You deserve to believe in yourself! xxx
Saying yes to the opportunities that you want and deserve yes so much this! I think we all feel that feeling of should I do this should I not, do I have the skills for this, and in the end not branch out because we like to stay in our comfort zone (nothing wrong with it of course) but there’s so much room to grow once we step out of our comfort zone and chances are we’ll surprise ourselves! I actually almost turned down a freelance opportunity because I felt they needed someone who was way more skilled than me, ended up surprising myself by building a website in 2 days! I can definitely step more out of my comfort zone, but little steps here and there is better than no steps 🙂
You look fab in your dress!! I used to never take outfit photos before, but slowlllly building my confidence through the years is honestly the best thing to look back on – the dress looks so so comfortable too!
I haven’t heard of Alyse Parker before (I’ll have to add her on my watch later list!) – I feel we can definitely fall into the trap of thinking of our dreams in a far-away type of way and not putting the pieces together to actually make it a reality.
Taking time for myself every day is one thing I’m really trying to do more of. I do exercise daily (though this past week had to take some time off for a neck and shoulder issue!) but the calmest thing ever is journaling, and doing some yoga too! Yoga is so underrated, I just feel so relaxed afterwards, I try to do a bit before sleeping!
Showing compassion the same way you show to someone else is 100% one thing I need to work on, I can be a bit hard on myself so it’s an uphill battle for complimenting myself 🙂
YESS to honoring your achievements, no matter how big or small it’s super important to be your own number one fan!
Loved this post!
Totally agree – stepping out of our comfort zone doesn’t have to mean anything huge and scary either. Little things count just as much! Thank you for your kind comments about the dress, it is VERY comfy! And would highly recommend Alyse Parker. She’s been a huge inspiration to me for years. I love your outfits photos / photos of you on your blog! xxx
This great! There are so many facets of self-care that we should be considering, and you touch on some really important ones here. I think people forget the power of saying no when something isn’t right for us but also in saying yes when a great opportunity arises!
I love pushing myself out of my comfort zone. It’s hard but it’s always rewarding. The dress looks lovely on you!
It definitely is hard! And thank you xxx
Jenny, I have been a long-time fan of your blog and have been reading it for probably longer than anyone else’s. I am SO proud of you! The amount of progress you have made with challenging yourself, being kind to yourself, and growing into the most incredible, generous, bright beautiful soul. It’s giving me so much joy to watch you become more and more proud of your own achievements too. You look unreal in that dress! I’m glad you’re finally starting to see what we all see in you.
P.s. thank you for the cheeky wee link! I very much appreciate it 🙂 x
YOU HAVE MADE ME CRY! That’s literally the best comment I’ve ever received, ever. Thank you so much. And you’re welcome for the link too! xxxxxx
That dress is gorgeous! A perfect fall dress.
Taking time for yourself is something I’ve been trying to work on. I used to give myself tons of personal time although lately that has been less and less. Definitely need to being that time back! It’s super important though to give yourself that time and simply relax, reflect and enjoy being you!
Casey | https://mccourtskee.com
Agreed. Just enjoying being you and doing what you love with no judgement is the best thing xxx
Great post. And you look lovely in that dress. Thanks for sharing
Thanks very much xx
This is such a great post Jenny! It’s so important to take care of your needs and put yourself first. I’ve gotten better at listening to myself and celebrating my achievements, even if that is going into Tesco(!). I have a way to go especially when it comes to self esteem issues, and while we’re on the subject you look fab in these photos!
Oh I totally understand the Tesco thing – I can’t go in the big Tesco without serious anxiety either. So every time I step through the door it’s a huge achievement! xxx
I love this and some of these tips are definitely things that I should follow more in my daily life. It’s fine for self-care tips to be ‘bubble baths and face masks’ but you definitely need more than that! I really need to start making more time for me every day and start honoring my achievements more.
Emily x puttheworldtowrites.co.uk
You definitely do. I love a bubble bath and a face mask but they’re not going to cure all your problems xxx
I’ve started to research into manifesting and I’m hoping I can get into it properly this month! Great post and I love the dress!
Jess | http://www.jessrigg.com
Oooh I hope you can! It’s so worthwhile! xxx
Seriously love this post! I feel like self care can be tough sometimes and you really have to put in some work to improve and get out of old patterns, like honouring your own needs and getting comfortable with yourself. It’s definitely not all bubble baths and lighting candles haha. Thanks for sharing Jenny x
Totally agree. It does take time and work but it’s so worth the journey and a process because you learn so much about yourself xxx
Love these tips! “Allow yourself to feel what you feel” is honestly so important and I’m glad I’ve learnt to do this – I was very resistant last year but it made a world of difference with my mental health so is something I practise all the time now.
It’s a really important thing to learn how to do and I’m glad you do this now! xxx
You look amazing in that dress! It totally suits you and looks perfect for Autumn. I loved this post, I’ve started looking into manifesting recently and it’s been a really positive tool for me, I’m so glad more and more people are starting to talk about it! xx
Tiffany x http://www.foodandotherloves.co.uk
It’s an amazing tool! If you haven’t looked at Alyse’s video on it, you totally should. It really helped me xxx
Great tips. I think life is too short to always stress about everything. We need to enjoy it. I liked the point about the opportunities. This is so true and most of the times we do not go for what we want because we are afraid. But what is the worst thing that can happen really? If we do not try we will never know and we might not progress. Even an undesired outcome helps us to learn something about ourselves and teaches us something. And next time we will do better!
Exactly! If you don’t ask you don’t get, if you don’t try, you’ll never know. So you might as well go for it!
I absolutely love this post, I’ve always thought that is so important to show up for yourself and honouring all your achievement is something we all need to do more of! You look so stunning x
Thank you so much xxx
Firstly, you look amazing girl! I’m loving that dress, it really is perfect for this season isn’t it. Plus it looks so comfy too! <3 Secondly, this is such a great post – honoring your needs is so important, everyday is different, like one day I might be in a Netflix & naps kinda mood, another day I might fancy a healthy dinner and some exercise. So many great points, thanks for sharing! <3 xx
Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com
It really is super comfy! I totally agree. Today I’m more of the Netflix and naps kinda mood! xxx